As creatives, we are constantly evolving. We ride the wave of an ever-morphing media landscape. And in doing so, we accumulate many ‘things’ along the way – projects, contacts, social networks. Not to mention the ‘stuff’ of our hyper consumer based society. But with the ebbs and flows of career and life, we often have no time to clear away the clutter that is forming in our lives. Instead, we create one more folder or bookmark, buy one more plastic bin from Target. And don’t give it much thought.
Until we are forced to.
Three months ago, almost to the day, we decided to sell our house of eight years. I cleaned it, met with agents, renovated rooms, staged it for photos, prepped for open houses, negotiated an offer, looked for an apartment, navigated escrow, found an apartment, closed escrow, packed, moved and are now unpacked and living in a rental loft where I sit writing this post. I’ve gone through life changes, but this one was big.
Everyone asks what made us decide to sell our house. It was traditional and cute with a lovely yard in a suburban LA neighborhood by the airport. I had put a lot of time into decorating it and we had even renovated. But it didn’t feel like ‘us’ anymore. We were different people when we bought it with different plans for our future. We also bought it close to the height of the market. And where would we go? Our desire for change seemed capricious, not practical.
But our anniversary trip to Asia changed everything. We went beyond our comfort zone on our trip, had grand adventures and embraced who we had become – which gave us the kick in the pants we needed. The moment we stepped foot back in the house, I knew that it was time to move on. The market was coming around and I was willing to take on the responsibility. I wanted this change.
But we couldn’t have made the change and sold the house without DE-CLUTTERING.
In these three months I’ve cleaned and de-cluttered 4 times. FOUR. I’ve felt every range of emotion, from nostalgia, to joy, to frustration (why do we have so much friggin’ STUFF?!) to melancholy and sadness (where has the time gone, why have I held on to this? Why have I put so much time into this project and have nothing to show for it).
But this perpetual forced de-cluttering has forced me to acknowledge this process was more significant than just simply reducing the number of belongings we had to make the house look great… it was a process of stripping away what was holding us back from moving forward.
I believe, to move past your current state, you have to ‘shed’ some of what is around you because it weighs on you, drags you down with its gravity; creates friction.
You need to free up the space in and around you so you have room to transform.
original house before and after
But don’t take it just from me. There is an excellent article on LifeHacker about the neurological effects of ‘clutter’. Mickael Cho discusses the emotional attachment that we form with ‘things’ (especially when we touch them – hello iPhone), and how the pain associated with getting rid of something occurs in the same area of the Anterior Cortex as the pain we feel when we physically hurt ourselves, especially if that item has value to us. (You know that feeling right? You bought those expensive shoes on a whim but have never worn them because they kill your feet, but feel guilty about giving them away?) He discusses how too much ‘stuff’ competes for our attention, clouding our ability to focus and think.
And not only do you have physical things that crowd your consciousness, you have the digital realm — as he says – the ‘ping’ of technology. The unread emails and blog posts, the articles on Instapaper, the links you’ve starred on Twitter. Bits are just as much part of your collection of ‘stuff’ as the tchotchkes in your drawer.
And there is your ever-growing social network. Do you have unwieldy Twitter and Facebook numbers that make meaningful interactions difficult?
But it’s not so easy to just throw a bunch of things into a box labeled Goodwill, especially when they are more than ‘stuff’, when they could be Facebook friends. So HOW do we de-clutter?
our loft when moving in
our loft after
I found it was like trying to pull apart a tangle of necklaces, the more I focused on the whole mess, the more tightly wound they became. It was only until I focused on each piece was I able to unravel and separate the chain, and then decide if I needed to keep it. In choosing to keep that thing, I put more importance on it.
This takes time. It’s easy to just get frustrated and start chucking things… or putting them in boxes and hiding them in the closet.
An article about de-cluttering your closet actually helped me push through.
This closet guru talked about the pressure we put on ourselves when we decide to de-clutter and create change — how we get hung up on what we want to DO next, instead of how we want to FEEL. I found this really evocative because it put me into a place of how I wanted my day to day to FEEL once we had moved – in our new light filled, lofty place, but with limited space and everything on display.
This made it easier to decide what to let go of and what to give renewed attention and value to. I am now letting this spill over into my career: what do I want my days to feel like – as opposed to the grand achievements, what is the regular day to day filled with work that will fulfill me the most.
Once you have that feeling, you can identify what elements in your life need to be there and the changes you need to make to make them happen. Mickael suggested putting constraints on your possessions to help de-clutter, which reminded about Vi Hart’s amazing video Twelve Tones – about how beautiful art can be when constrained. So why not explore this idea of constraints on our life? By de-cluttering we are simplifying our life, we are assigning value to what we have deemed important, beautiful or meaningful enough to have in it.
CLEANING HOUSE – IN A NUTSHELL:
1) Take stock. Pull things out of closets, drawers, file folders, Twitter feed, Dropbox, the back of your brain – take it all in.
2) Once it’s in front of you – how does it make you feel. Overwhelmed? Angry? Frustrated? How come? Then figure out how do you want to feel once you’ve made this change.
3) Examine things individually. Will they help you to ‘feel’ how you imagine once the process is over? Can you use them in new ways to achieve your goals?
4) Then the hard part of letting go of things – it may even be people, relationships that are a negative influence in your life. Some of these things may be ‘tangled’ with other clutter. Focus on each element. Don’t get overwhelmed. Know that you will sort through it and hold on to that feeling you’re looking to have once you are on the other side.
5) Once you’ve ‘de-cluttered’ don’t add new stuff just yet. Relish and move in the empty spaces in your life. Feel how less the pull is on you. Let yourself discover new things in this empty space where you can really ‘see’ what you have labeled with value – that survived the purge. Be grateful for it. It will take on more meaning and purpose.
When we staged the house to sell, it was the best, most edited down version of our house. But it was also the best most edited down version of us. Our house was an extension of our design aesthetic, our taste in art, furniture, color, light. Agents say get rid of the personal items, but the items left were personal, they were ours, just our favorites and most beautiful. We were able to create an experience that allowed someone else to place themselves inside of and want to own.
Isn’t that what we should do as creatives, as writers and actors? We aspire to write a script that at its core is us, but also allows someone else to feel at home in, vested in. We work to bring ourselves to the character we audition for but leave room for direction and collaboration, and leave all the personal baggage in the waiting room.
We live in a time of ‘One Click Checkouts’ and ‘Instant Streaming’. It is easy to take on too much. Isn’t now a good time to start examining it?
Do you have any advice on how to de-clutter? Especially when it comes to technology and our social networks – I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.