The denotation of Life is that it is “a condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter.” But this word also holds a worldwide connotation for one’s own experiences, emotional and otherwise, and it can represent mortality (i.e. “Lifelong”). There are many ideas about life and questions as to its purpose. But the one thing we all know for sure, rich or poor, black or white, short or tall… we all succumb to good times as well as bad within it. Life is a tumultuous thing that changes with little notice. Sometimes it’s based on the actions we take. Sometimes it’s based on the actions others take. And sometimes it’s beyond any of our powers to prevent all together. Frank Sinatra chalked up his opinion on the matter in two words: “That’s Life”. So how do we, as busy artists, cope with the challenges life spontaneously throws at us from time to time while maintaining our artistic ascent?
Well… I don’t really have an answer for that. All I can share is my own life experience.
Have any of you missed me? With all the wonderful writers on this site, I’m sure one who fell by the wayside for a time might be overlooked. But yes, I have not written for a couple months as I was in Washington DC tending to my mother. You see, about three months ago, my Fiancé was working on a documentary with a friend who’d been diagnosed with stage-four kidney cancer. Within that same time, a friend’s mother passed from breast cancer. And, as I have a proclivity for finding my foot in my mouth, I shared this sad news with my mother, then bragged that we wouldn’t have to worry about cancer as there was zero history of it in our family. She sighed and answered my ignorance with a simple “I think I should tell you something… ”
It was the dreaded C-word. My initial reaction was anger; anger towards her. I had always attempted to help her change her eating habits and encouraged her to lead a less sedentary lifestyle. She was the kind of lady who would eat an entire pie in one sitting… alone. She immediately asked me not to berate her; she was giving herself a hard enough time. After that, all I felt I could do was try and lift her spirits and encourage hope. We determined the C-word had too much of a negative connotation and decided, instead, to call it the 200 pound squatter; a bad tenant who, after refusing to pay rent, must be forcefully evicted. I spoke with her doctor to get the full scope of this obtrusive bastard and learned it was Breast Cancer that had already undergone metastasis and spread to her lymph nodes. She needed immediate surgery. The final suggestion was a lumpectomy, as it was more in the lymph nodes now and a mastectomy wouldn’t solve the main problem.
I tell you this story as this happened to come right when we were entering pre-production on our much anticipated web series, “Newlywed and Broke”. It was an important time in our careers and people were counting on us. But life scoffs at your schedule, guffaws at your goals, considers your inconvenience inconsequential. It gives and it takes as it will, and we are at its mercy.
That’s life.
If I can be candid, I couldn’t help but wonder “why now?” when things seemed to be going in a great direction. Which instantly made me feel bad. Am I selfish for considering such a question? Does caring about my plans while my mother is going through this make me a bad person? What does this say about me? Will I burn in hell?? The questions swirled even as I attempted to push them out. In the end, I decided… Maybe? In any case, I resolved to handle my responsibilities, both to my mother and to my project. But my mother deserved priority at this time. For those wondering, yes, I have siblings that reside much closer to her than I, but one is unreliable, to say the least. The other has a five year old and doesn’t have as much patience when it comes to our, sometimes stubborn, mother.
So, we pushed pre-production back and away I went. I attempted to do work but found myself up late with my mom talking about family and listening to her stories about the good ‘ol days. We sipped coffee in the mornings and went out to dinners at night until she went into surgery. Then my time was spent creating healthy meals and working to teach her how to make delicious, fresh squeezed juices (and trying to keep her from cleaning the house). My sister and beautiful niece came over every day to play and chat. As much as I loved my project and was hoping to get some work done, in those moments, I didn’t care. Things came into perspective.
I realized that work in this industry is part of what I do; my family, my friends, the relationships I keep, are much more a part of who I am. For fame and fortune are fair-weather friends and counting on them for happiness will only lead to inevitable despair. I thoroughly enjoy working in entertainment, but it’s not my end all. When push comes to shove, I will always put those I love first and let the rest fall as it will. Life is short. And when you consider this, when you consider that there will come a time when all the auditions you’ve ever had, all the scripts you’ve ever wrote, all the money you’ve ever made, mean little in the bigger picture, you can move forward in your career fearlessly. No audition will seem as dire. No deal that important. No person to make you tremble in front of. Everyone succumbs to his or her mortality, and, in that moment, we are all equal. Life does not discriminate.
Ask yourself, if you were given six months to live today, what would you do with that time? Me? I would spend it with the people I love… ideally on a gorgeous island in the Caribbean! =)
Meet my mom here supporting our project: