I am in the tail end of a reinvention phase. A few years back I had confronted myself with that nagging question: “what are you doing with your life?”
Knee deep in my 30s, this question plagued me in a way that it had not when I asked myself the same thing in my 20s. This time around I needed a real answer. I needed a responsible answer. I needed to stop being cute with the lackadaisical response and hone in on what my life’s purpose was going to be.
At the time I needed an answer quick because I’m a Type A personality and if I was going to “do this right” then I needed to chart a multi-year spreadsheet which outlined my life’s milestones so that I can track and measure the effectiveness of my purpose. If I wasn’t successful then I needed to have a focus group, all in my head of course, of where I fell short and how was I going to avert another failure.
In hindsight this absurd approach was not only unrealistic but it eventually became the catalyst to my breakthrough, all the while it was disguised as a breakdown.
After a few 3am crying spells and some long over-due therapy, I came to the conclusion that my nagging question wasn’t a life shattering moment but an eye opening experience to finding my authentic self. It might sound cliché but I can look back and recognize how toxic my own perspective was becoming in my life.
This was also around this time that I reconnected with my voice and began writing again. I had always been writing but I wasn’t getting much creative fulfillment with writing press releases, marketing copy and sponsorship proposals. For some reason, brands don’t want you to write about your childhood or whimsical prose, much less the occasional F-bomb.
I was that neurotic “entrepreneur” who was hustling it like you’re supposed to. This non-stop manic phase was exciting and scary, productive and emotion-less, successful and mentally draining. I came to the realization that things didn’t need to change but rather I needed to change. So I did but what I didn’t know was that in shifting my perspective I was changing my life’s story and this became the starting point of changing my stripes.
As creative entrepreneurial women, there are a lot of externals that affect us on a mind, body and soul level. Between society trying to keep us in our “place” and culture reinforcing those norms, I began to feel exhausted for being ME. Add in the mix all the personal baggage from my childhood, which has manifested into some not-so-cute adult habits, and it’s a miracle I’m not swimming in some self-made lake laced with vodka and Xanax.
We all have our own stories. This is not everyone’s story but this is mine and my teachable moment here was: “If we want to serve our purpose on a higher level then we need to dig deep and slay those demons that keep us from realizing our truest potential.”
I put myself through a 4-step program, so that I could begin the process of unraveling my ‘ish and start making the changes that were going to have a positive effect on my life.
1) What do you want to do?
I keep asking myself this question and I will continue to probe my inner psyche because I need to be reminded about what my passions are. While your interests may change your passion won’t and this is what you want to be mindful when making any kind of choices in your life, business and career.
2) How do you want to feel?
I wish Danielle LaPorte had been around with her Desire Map brand when I was in my 20s. Her philosophies could have saved my years of self-sabotage and tons of money on booze. Now I have my core desire feelings (CDFs) written down and placed on my laptop so that every day I’m reminded how I want to feel.
3) Learn to embrace the “NO.”
Granted this took a while to learn but NO is one of the most powerful sentences you can say.
4) Let go of that which no longer serves you.
First I started with my perspective and then I moved on to my projects. Finally I applied this to the people in my life. Removing what no longer serves you is like a spiritual cleanse. You release the energy those things and people bring into your life.
When you let go of toxic energy you make space for more amazing things to come into your life. One time I let go of a client I was working with and within a week I was approached for an amazing job opportunity that seemed “out of the blue.” Truth is, nothing is random.
We will change our stripes several times, throughout our lives, especially if you’re a creative entrepreneur. If you have a startup or business then you’re more familiar with the term “pivot” which is very similar.
As entrepreneurs, this is not a job or a career. This is our lives and we are on a journey very much like the hero’s journey. As creative entrepreneurs, we’ve chosen to pick up a pen and write our own story. If something is not working, simply flip the page and start a new chapter. If you find that the story needs to change then get a new book and start something new.
The first step is not admitting you want to change. The first step is giving yourself permission to allow change to be an option. Changing your stripes is often painful and life-changing. I imagine a zebra will have to figure out how to identify when his/her stripes are no longer the same. That’s part of the journey and that’s part of the narrative we get to write for our own story.