Even the best people experience it. You wanted it. They got it. So now what?
Jealousy, while it does have its up points, drive, determination, an energy surge like no other, it is not helpful for building your tribe or supporting a friend. So how can you change that overwhelming feeling of envy. Like anything it takes practice.
Below here are some helpful tips to grin, bear it, and support the amazing people in your life.
- Take a second.
The first reaction is always shock. Maybe you didn’t hear who got the role. Maybe you were still hoping to receive that call or maybe it’s already in theaters. However you are learning about the fact that they, not you are playing the role of your dreams, you’re going to have a pang of dread, frustration, and yes, sadness.
So… it’s not you. If you have a second right there to grieve it. Do it. Breathe. Say goodbye to that role, cause it’s no longer on your journey. Cry if you have too. And then LET IT GO!
- Remember who they are.
In your best Mufasa voice, Remember who they are. They are your friend. You love them. Want the best for them. They pick up the phone when you’ve had a bad day. They won’t tell anyone that secret, not anyone. They have your back. So why not have theirs and be happy?
Sure it’s a bummer. You didn’t get it and they did. But out of all the people in the world someone you love got an amazing opportunity, and that’s truly spectacular.
Charlie Chaplin wrote the best song in the world when he wrote “Smile” with John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons adding the lyrics and title in 1954. Heartbreaking but true as it states, “Smile though your heart is breaking, Smile even though it’s breaking… you’ll find that life is still worth while if you just smile.” So true. Just the act of smiling, of laughing, it can truly un-break a heart. So smile with your friend, laugh with your friend, and you’ll find that life is still worth while. I promise.
- Light that fire.
So you’re happy for your friend but that was your dream role. K, well make your version. Yeah I said it. So your dream role was to play a werewolf and this particular role was for a werewolf psychologist who has an addiction to pie, and now your friend is doing it. If Hollywood has proven anything it’s that many ideas are not original and will be made a thousand times. BUT! Only once with your voice, and your take. So just make it. Be the spunkier web series version of a werewolf story if you have too, but just put it out there. Make it your way. Put your stamp on it. Obviously, don’t steal it exactly like they are doing it, but make your version, your take. Maybe this time instead of being a werewolf psychologist, the werewolf owns a cake shop and writes self-help books, whatever it is make it yours and yours alone. And guess who’ll attend your screening.
- Put up boundaries.
Sometimes it’s too much and sometimes the hurt and loss is just too big. I get it. I’ve so been there. In these cases the best thing to do is be honest. Tell your friend you are so happy for them and their accomplishment, but that this situation is a bit raw for you. That you want to be supportive but in this current state cannot, and so to not ruin their experience maybe you aren’t the best person to share this with right now.
Don’t worry you’ll get over it. It’s not gonna be forever. And if it is there’s a magic man they call a therapist and he loves to chat.
- Get back out there.
Being a mope, while fun, is not productive. So, give yourself one Netflix and chill with yourself day. Eat the cake and nachos in your underwear. Have a cry in front of the mirror, and then get back on the horse partner, cause the world needs you.
The most important thing to remember is there’s room for everyone’s voice out there. I think we all think we have to be in competition with each other, and that’s just not true. As I rise, my friends rise and vice versa. What may seem like your role of a lifetime could just be a line in your E! Hollywood story someday. A blip, an insignificant fact of loss in the amazing treasure of your life and journey.
So, while it hurts now, imagine how much better it will feel when you are standing next to your best friends at the Oscars. Say congrats, support, and know you got the next one.