As I write this post 20,000 feet in the air, en route to Prague via Frankfurt from Los Angeles, I can feel the adrenaline of five months of full-time producing work finally come peak. Having crowd-funded, marketed, fundraised, production coordinated, arranged travel, fixed, brokered, geared up, and produced this vision to the max (and in record time, too), I am too mentally and physically exhausted at the moment to feel creative. Hopefully, all T’s have been crossed and I’s dotted, because now that I’ve handled the who/how/when and whats, my primary focus now needs to be the WHY. The essence of my job as a director. This requires a complete shift in the brain and is extremely difficult when multi-tasking out of utility, ability, and sheer necessity. I believe the purpose of our passion project, the reason it came to life, is the root of our artistic purpose as directors. You have to take that time to disconnect with the stress of producing, and redirect your energy towards being intuitive, receptive, and in the creative flow. It’s like moving the driver’s seat from your head to your heart.
Writing this post tonight, with my laptop propped at a V-angle because the seat in front has reclined too far, after the best airline meal I’ve ever had (Lufthansa), and a small glass of complimentary wine to go with the latest Bradley Cooper rom-com, I’m taking a moment. Time to let my mind rest, stop humming, calm down, and find itself again. Time to appreciate the utter poignancy of this project, and to take a breath and realize why I’m doing what I’m doing. Time to honor the sacred part of this journey. Because it is a sacred journey, at least it is to me, and the act of creating (film, art, or otherwise) is not to be taken lightly. It’s the same sentiment with children. As a parent, we create this life, but in parenting we need to create a space to live in the moment with our children and be fully present. Or, like with a wedding, you focus all the preparation into the planning, but in order to appreciate the fruits of your labor, you have to make a conscious effort to step into it to fully experience it (come what may). Otherwise, you run the risk of falling victim to own habits of scheduling, logistics and control, which doesn’t exactly need creativity as a sidekick. But it does prepare the foundation for creativity to flourish, if you allow yourself the flexibility and headroom. As they taught me in film school, “Set it and forget it.”
Your brain may be giving a million different orders, but your heart only needs one: BE PRESENT. I find it hard to feel the normal emotions of excitement and giddiness when the burden of so many things to do is overwhelming my sight. You cannot let these things obstruct your vision as a director. Do the very best you can to prepare, then do the same for your mental, spiritual and physical health. Stay flexible, because the scheize will hit the fan and often things will not go as planned. You can only control your level of preparation and consequently your reaction to unforeseen events. I try to keep a cool head no matter what happens. Keep it all in balance, so you can perform at your very peak. Now, as I see the fruit of so much hard work finally come to fruition, and as I watch this particular dream come true, I will do so with a body that is (hopefully rested), a mind that has given the reins to the director, and a heart ready to bring something to life in this world that wasn’t there before. I will remember that this is an honor.