I always thought that life was like a train trip.
You know, the sexy kind where everything is in black and white, Clark Gable is waiting in the bar car to share a dirty martini and flirtatious conversation, and the smooth rocking would send you quickly into a dream wonderland.
As you traveled along, people would get on and off the train. And our stops would be huge, magnificent, and bursting with life.
Now to go along with our travel heavy metaphor here, those stops would be life’s greatest milestones. Things like: first steps, first words, first tooth, first kiss, first love, first glass of wine, second glass of wine, first career goal nailed, marriage, baby, new house, etc.
But here’s where I got this wrong. I always imagined this train trip to be in one straight line. And once we hit a milestone, we would readjust, fix our hair, and continue on our merry way. No big deal. All aboard and choo choo to you sir. However, as we get older and hit some of the bigger milestones, I am realizing that the train tracks are veering to the right. And then making a sharp turn to the left. Maybe even going in circles (which doesn’t seem like a sound engineering choice).
And it’s our job to decide how we are going to manage life on this train of ours that keeps throwing us to one side of the cabin and then the other. You need to make sure that your luggage doesn’t come smacking you in the head, or that—heaven forbid—you spill your merlot on a sudden lurch.
Or more importantly…
That you don’t lose yourself.
That isn’t to say that you can’t change. As creatives we constantly have to adapt to whatever life throws us. Because to us, having a life full of creativity is what keeps us going. It’s just our job to remember that when we get to one of these train stops, we need to pull away having a decent idea of how we are going to enjoy this next leg of the trip.
For example, my husband and I finally got the confirmation we’d been waiting for. We are pregnant for the first time. Talk about your massive milestone.
We couldn’t be happier and excited for this new chapter. But I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t worried about the creative part of my life. Because now here is this little person that—spoiler alert—I need to take care of. And last I checked, the little tyke won’t be anything like our cat: self reliant, can poop on his own, can stay at home when we go to the movies.
I have always been in awe of those women who can go through a major life change and still come out the other side knowing who they are. They always managed to keep a piece of themselves close at heart. They are most certainly not the same person as they were before.
They are improved.
They didn’t let the milestone swallow them up. Instead, they embraced the changed, took stock of what their new life would be like, and made sure never to disappear in it.
The new year is here and full of milestones, unexpected tragedies, and shocks (good or bad) that we just simply didn’t see coming. And no matter which way our tracks want to take us, we need to recognize what makes us tick. What keeps us shining in our own way.
Here’s what I’ll be doing this year, what about you?
- Date yourself. Just simply taking the time to be by yourself and listen to what you have to say will keep you aware of what is important in your new life. And it’s not just about taking some alone time. It’s about paying attention. As we go through life there are things that make us happy, and those things can alter. So as you sit there sharing a bowl of spaghetti with yourself, check in to see where you stand in the happiness factors.
- Realize You Aren’t Broken, You Don’t Need Fixing. A life change is just that: a change. You don’t need to “fix” your life, you just need to adapt to it. It’s like you’re remodeling your house, not tearing it down and starting from scratch. The idea of needing to be “fixed” has a negative outlook. So keep things positive by saying you need to up level yourself.
- Visualize Your Perfect Day. If you can see what’s coming (new baby, new house, a wedding), imagine a normal day down the line when all the dust has settled. Sit quietly or go for a walk and run through the entire day in your head—or write/record it with vivid detail—so you can see what it will look like. Where are you living, what are you having for breakfast, what activities do you do during the day, who is with you, where do you go? But most importantly, how do you feel? But emotion behind it. And then you know what? This day will become your goal.
- Get Excited About the Adjustment Period. If you are anything like me—Type A, bit of a perfectionist and control freak—you start to get antsy when life’s routines get thrown out the window. In the past I would shout, “I just can’t wait for XYZ to be over so that we can get back to normal!” Well newsflash Nicole, you are creating a new normal. So instead of dreading the chaos, embrace it. Get excited about it! Think of the adjustment period like a huge project (like an organization project **salivate**) where you are just moving your ducks around to see where they would better stand in a line. It’s fun, not daunting. And before you know it, you’ll have your new normal to relax into.
- Accept That Even If You are the Conductor, There Will be Stretches of Track You Can’t See Coming. Life around you will constantly find ways to twirl, toss, and whirlwind around you. You can’t be ready for it all. You can’t be strong for it all. But you can be yourself through it all. If after the tornado is done blowing and you come out the other side with crazy hair, ripped pants, and a missing shoe, then stop, check to see what is left of you, and start from there.
As creatives we are passionate. We don’t do things lightly and half ass. We want our lives to be full of love, of color, of excitement, of challenges, of regret so we can document the pain, of love, and of course, wine. That is what makes us…well us. It’s the thing people see shining behind our eyes. It’s the thing our man was attracted to. It’s the thing that draws others towards us.
I guess at the end of the day I should never have worried. We are creatives. We are too bright to disappear.