I read a quote a while back that said, “what’s bad for your heart is good for your art.” Whether you agree with that or not, I stand here living proof that what was bad for my heart, was in fact good for my art. 2014 kicked my ass. Plain a simple. It was one of the most challenging years I’ve had in a while, both personally and professionally. Frankly, it was hard to not take it personally. As I pushed through the heartache and forged through the debris of devastation, I ended up coming out on top, and finding myself in a big way. I am leaving 2014 a more confident, strong, self-assured, passionate, driven WOMAN–there could be worse things. Through the bullshit and pain came a lot of clarity, and I wanted to share a bit of what ended up making me, me.
1) Always Trust Your Gut.
I have always listened to my gut, and when I haven’t I have paid for it. This year I had do the hardest thing I’ve ever done; I ended a long-term relationship because my gut was telling me it was impeding my dreams. I forced myself to write a very controversial article about a personal and sensitive matter, because my gut told me I had to. It may be scary, it may be risky, it may not always be the easiest choice or decision, but it will always be the right one.
2) Don’t Limit Yourself.
I lost the fire and confidence for writing before Ms. In The Biz. I only wrote when I was feeling low and needed pen to paper therapy. I never showed anyone and stopped calling myself a writer. Then I was given the chance to write, and despite my fear, I had to take it. I have written over 17 articles for this impressive and inspiring blog, handing in 12 this year. I was incredibly lucky to find a sisterhood that celebrates individuality and the female voice. I get to write about what I want, and what I believe in. By not limiting myself, I allowed myself the opportunity to write for something that’s of service to a community I support, and in turn has helped me regain one of my deepest passions.
3) Love Yourself.
Being a woman in this city is rough. Too fat. Too thin. Too smart. Too dumb. TOOTOOTOO. Fuck that noise. That’s all it is by the way. I entered true womanhood this year and it feels fantastic. Embracing the laugh lines and new-found resilience is empowering to say the least. This confidence didn’t happen magically, however. I beat myself up a lot this year, I was mean and critical, and I let the noise get to me. At the end of the day, THIS is who I am, and unless I wanna fork out the money to enhance and alter ME, I better learn to love it. Incubus said it best: “Fault lines should be worn with pride.” So embrace your boisterous laugh, your love of wine, your womanly curves, and your beautiful laugh lines–they only mean you lived and (other than dark chocolate and sex) is there anything better than living? The answer is no.
4) Read Books By Women Who Inspire You.
In Bossypants Tina Fey said, “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” (Amen, Tina!) In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Mindy Kaling brilliantly stated, “One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about.” And in Judy Greer’s book I Don’t Know What You Know Me From, she declared what I’ve been saying for years: “I firmly believe that everyone should have to work in the food service industry at least once in their lives.” (I think it should be a law, but whatever.) When Amy Poehler released a book, I tucked myself away in my studio apartment and eagerly dove into Yes Please. I was expecting to laugh and be given a rare glimpse into the life one of the most talented comedic actresses of our time–what I did not expect was to be given crucial advise surrounding my career: KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CAREER AND CREATIVITY. This was revolutionary for me and will be my new outlook while approaching the new year. She expanded on this idea through a pretty hilarious and relatable metaphor: “Treat Your Career Like a Bad Boyfriend” and challenges us to dump our career, like we would a bad boyfriend. Now, you’ll have to jump on board the metaphor train, but I assure you it will all make sense.
We all have moments of doubt or uncertainty, those flickers of self-loathing and hatred. You never get those “what am I doing with my life?” and “I should really give up” feelings when you’re on set, behind the camera, or on the stage, doing the thing the love, you get those feelings when your agent drops you, you lose funding for your next project, or don’t get part you were vying for. Creativity vs. Career. Doing what you love vs. fighting to do what you love. Your creativity (as Amy so poetically said) “is connected to your passion, that light inside you that drives you. That small voice that tells you, ‘I like this. Do it again. You are good at it. Keep going.’ That joy that comes when you do something you love.” Creativity is effortless. It’s what helps us feel connected to the world, less alone, and what helps us get out of bed in the morning. Career is NOT that. Knowing the difference and being able to distinguish between the two, is imperative. Amy described career as “the stringing together of opportunities and jobs, mixed with a dash of future panic and whole lot of financial uncertainty. Career is something that fools you into thinking you are in control and then takes pleasure in reminding you that you aren’t. Career is the thing that will not fill you up and never make you truly whole.” Sounds an awful lot like the bad boyfriend who never returned your texts and hit on your friends, huh? Well screw that guy and screw your career. You deserve better, don’t you think?
In her book Amy asks us to “try to care less (and to) practice Ambivalence. Learn to let go of wanting it. Treat your career like a bad boyfriend.” It may be a metaphor, but it’s a pretty accurate one. You shouldn’t care about something that doesn’t treat you the way you deserve. You shouldn’t care about something you cannot control. You can’t control your career as much as you can’t control your bad boyfriend forgetting your birthday. It’s futile. Start caring less about your career and more about what you CAN control–you and your creativity. Care about the work, but not about the result. So let today be the day where you allow yourself to let go. Forget about your career. Invest in the thing that will never let you down, always fill your heart and soul, and will be there until the very end–your creativity.