“U r 40”. I received that as a text message. “You have no children and you drive a cheap car with crappy air-conditioning”. That too, is true and also a text message I received. These are only two examples of text messages I have received in the not too long ago from two different men I had decided not to continue dating. Both of them had a little more to say than just that, but I think you get the picture. I’m currently not dating anyone, by choice. Yet ‘bitch’ is a term most commonly applied to females, go figure. Pretty much all I’d said on both occasions was, “I don’t feel like we have much in common” and both recipients of my brush off, were well educated and well off men. There were a few happenings that led to my calling it off. What I didn’t say to them in response was, “Yes and I’m still not desperate enough to continue to date you”.
See, the wonderful thing that comes from being forty and single, is that it would be fair to assume that you’ve been fortunate enough to have dated/engaged in relationships, with a range of men. You’ve gained wisdom and if there isn’t the issue of a “ticking body clock”, which they “say” happens or maybe becomes so indoctrinated some of us believe we actually hear it, you’re not desperately seeking a man/any man is better than none, to complete you. More than likely you have great friends, many interests or a job that you enjoy and maybe even love. Pretty much what could be described as having a full life. So when the early warning signs of a possessive, controlling nature show up…BAM! You can pick it. Those text messages had no effect on me, because I had already seen the vortex and knew that these two men were space ships that I had no interest in taking a ride on again.
Don’t get me wrong, motherhood must be amazing, if that’s something you want. Working out whether it’s something you actually really do want or something you think you’re supposed to do, because you can is a not a quandary I would ever propose to answer for anyone. That is horses for courses type shit.
There are so many amazing, wonderful women in this world doing things their own way. I find any and all, women who do that, to be inspirational. Whatever their choice has been. Let’s be honest, life is not an easy ride for anyone all of the time.
I love this quote from the late Nora Effron:
“Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women.” ― Nora Ephron
I choose not to be a lady. I have breasts and a vagina and that makes me a woman, beyond that, I haven’t a clue what any of it means. If I enter a doorway first and there is a person close behind me, male or female I hold it open for them and if that was done for me by a male or a female, I would think either of them to be well-mannered and considerate people. It’s just common decency.
As for being forty, past it, washed up and on the road to nowhere, I say phooey to all who would try to pull that shit. Yes, I am forty, 4-ty, FOUR x TEN and I am far from over. I have not based my life’s worth or my self-esteem upon nabbing a man, getting a ring on it and all the rest. My feeling of self worth, as a human, comes from my ability to achieve for myself and contribute to others, not someone else’s ability to do that for me. Oh how lucky are those, who have found truly supportive partners in life. Cherish those for simply loving who you are and giving you their unconditional support.
Inspirational woman number two, for me at the moment is, an Australian Actor named Jacqui Weaver. She’s recently ‘made it’ in Hollywood at the pert breasted, slim and un-dimpled thigh age of sixty-five. She looks more like Jack Nicholson’s sibling than Anne Archer-esque. No offence intended to either, both are striking women in my books. Why and how has she done this? She’s bloody good at what she does, plain and simple.
It had been fifteen years between drinks in Australian feature films for Jacqui Weaver when she was cast as the insidious Mother of a criminal family in ‘Animal Kingdom’. One Australian film that took the top award at Sundance in 2010 is what introduced her to Hollywood and gave her an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress in 2011. She might just be our equal to Elizabeth Taylor, outnumbering her in the relationship figures. Married five times in total, nine factoring in the defacto status. Two of those marriages were to the same man, Derryn Hinch. You could say that she has lived a very full life and has had children to boot! That is her personal life and in no way has she allowed it to over-shadow her other achievements. Jacqui Weaver has now been nominated twice for an Oscar with her recent role alongside Robert DeNiro in “Silver Linings Playbook” garnering the second nomination.
I am so inspired by this magical woman Jacki Weaver! After six years of not having been on screen, big or little in an acting role, I have just landed a small role in a new Australian television series. Of course I must be reminded that I shouldn’t feel happy, proud, special in any way or that I have worked my butt of to achieve anything, because I am forty and my car has crap air-conditioning…meh. I am not a number or a car.