The Pledge! Month 3: Be Your Truth

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Madeline Merritt.jpgAs an actor in Hollywood you may receive many messages about what or who YOU are supposed to be. You try on many characters like changes of clothes, and some fit more comfortably than others. You are told about your LOOK, your TYPE and your ENERGY by many different sources and are often given conflicting advice about how to be a better, more cast-able YOU. You are in a scene-study class, an improv troupe; you take casting director workshops and have even gone to those specialty consultants that pinpoint how you come across to others based on that first impression to the ultimate minutia. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are useful tools in the actor’s grab-bag of skills and you are your instrument so keep it sharp! Yet, at the end of the day, all this worrying and obsessing about how you “appear” to others can end up being a big ol’ pile of self-limiting beliefs.

If you’ve been following my monthly blog series, THE PLEDGE (or how to get out of your own way and start kicking ASS), we’ve already accepted where we are not and have been inspired by other women on the journey towards becoming industry leaders. But what are we going to do about those nagging voices in our heads that become our own worst enemy when we need the most support and love from ourselves?

Yes, as actors, we long to shed our own identity and step into the skin and personality of another character if only for a moment. Counter-intuitively the most useful thing I’ve found, is not that the more I forget myself and step into these other character’s private lives the better I’ve become at portraying them. What I’ve found is that the more I have gotten to know MY SELF and stood in MY OWN TRUTH,  the more open my instrument (MYSELF) has become to embodying another piece of the human experience (or CHARACTER). The less I’ve worried about how “close” a character is to me the person or whether I “fit” a particular role, the more free I’ve become at playing all types in all circumstances. Because I know MYSELF and I am sure as hell bringing her to the party. That core piece of me is dancing, singing, and crying through all 90 pages of the Indy Feature Film or all 30 Seconds of that car commercial spot. And that piece is strong and embodied to the fullest.

I remember when I first got out here, how confusing it was to be told, “You need to lose weight, because you are too pretty to play quirky, and too fat to play pretty.” Well darnit, it just isn’t true, and it says much more about the SPEAKER’S limitations than my own. But this type of “feedback” can be truly damaging to one’s self esteem and sense of identity. It affects how confident you are when you walk into that room, and it affects how much effort you put into your auditions because “you probably won’t get it anyways”. When I think back to my former self and the torture she used to put me through, I cringe a little inside.

So, what’s the antidote? Take a hike. Really. I mean it. Get outdoors, alone, without music and be with yourself. Take a beautiful drive just for the hell of it. Really dive into a yoga practice. Try out different work-outs, just for fun. Pick up a hobby, just for fun, not because it’s going to look great on your resume (and it probably will anyway!). Take a trip, or hell, move out of the country for a while just BECAUSE (okay maybe don’t do that one, but I did, and while it may have felt like “re-starting” my career once I came back, I am a better listener now, I am more fully embodied in my own skin, and I know FOR A FACT that I want to be here and I want to be doing what I am doing). Do whatever it is that you need to do to become your own best friend. Take yourself out on a date. Woo yourself. Find a community of people outside of entertainment that love you for you (they may be a meet-up group, a gaggle of college sorority sisters or a spiritual community) and spend some time with them. Find your worth and YOUR SELF outside of your identity as an actor. Nurture that person, love her, and stand strong in her.

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To Thine Own Self Be True!

That person doesn’t need to be made up, or put-on, or trendy or sultry or any of the things you’ve heard you should be in order to do a better job climbing the ladder. That person is you. She’s the one who you have to lean on, and she’s the one you stand on to reach the great heights of any performance. She doesn’t have to be pigeonholed into a certain type of character or representation. For all the world’s a stage, and for a woman who is IN HER TRUTH, she can embrace all of it with confidence.

Watch Madeline play different “types” in her new reel here: