In life as in business, our first impression of anyone is a visual one. How you walk and stand, your facial expressions and gestures, all communicate about 70% of who you are versus 30% of what you say.
When you’re in a positive mood, your body exudes confidence, your posture is straight, your body is open, your head is held high and everyone is looking at you – and they want to meet or be near you.
Conversely, your negative attitude also dramatically affects how your body communicates or gives off negative vibes, if you’re angry or depressed people can immediately see this a mile away because of how you hold your head down, have bad posture, glare at people, refuse to look at them, folding your arms across your chest, or turn your body away from people.
It’s true. Look at this photo from the Red Carpet of Angelina Jolie. Her stance and dress conveyed confidence and every photographer at the 84th Oscars took her photo and it was seen everywhere, in every publication. Why? Because it felt like she was inviting you in, she was confident and happy and we wanted to be there with her… and it has become a move that many others have tried but no one else has pulled off like she did that year.
photo via Mingle Media TV
I’ve noticed over the years certain traits that most have when we’re new to a situation whether it is a mixer or business meeting or interview and they all speak loudly about whom we are inside. Some women tend to make ourselves “small” in situations that are new to them, or try to be cute with “head tilts,” “hair twirling,” or “playing and fidgeting with their accessories,” some even “smiling excessively.” But the two that I find to be the biggest body language act are “wimpy handshakes” and “flirtatious behavior.”
When I was growing up, my father told me that there were two things I needed to have with me at all times, the first was a good reputation and the second was a strong handshake. He told me no one would forget me if I stood confidently in front of them, looked them in the eyes and shook their hand firmly. Guess what, he was right. As a young woman venturing out in business, I made great strides with this technique. I would get lots of compliments on my firm handshake (“for a girl”) and before you knew it, the male dominated media world that I was part of respected me for being a “wo”-man; my non-verbal communication portrayed me as strong and confident before I ever opened my mouth.
In addition to non-verbal communication, speaking clearly, looking straight at your audience (also known as the person/people you’re talking to), standing confidently and being prepared will get you the rest of the way. Remember that non-verbal communication speaks up to 70% of who and what you’re all about. Your words are the last thing they are going to remember about you… unless you trip on your way out. (wink)
Here are some “verbal tips” for public speaking or for being prepared for the unknown:
- Prepare yourself by researching the topic, your lines (memorize them), or the group of people you will be meeting for the first time
- Smile, pause and breathe before you say anything – be an active listener so what you say comes across as thoughtful and insightful
- Don’t apologize for not knowing things, thank the person for the info, don’t be sorry you don’t know about it but remember how it feels so you can do more to prepare for the next time you are in a similar situation
- Don’t use filler words… umm, ah, you know, umm…
- Concentrate on what you want to say, convey or comment on.
- Don’t drink too much. If there is alcohol and business or press there; stay in control
- Make a statement, not a fashion mis-statement. Dress appropriately for the event or meeting
- Practice your gestures in a mirror – do you over do it? Ask your BFF to be honest and tell you or a co-worker or mentor you trust. Remember hand gestures should complement what you say, not detract from it.
Here are some “non-verbal tips” for making a good first impression:
- Hold your head strong – chin straight, arms at your side, relaxed
- Stand tall don’t lean forward or backward
- Stand with your feet in a position that is comfortable for you – about a foot apart if you are talking to someone or poised for photos, don’t sickle (pigeon toe) your feet, roll your ankles, shuffle them unnecessarily – that also speaks to your level of comfort in the room
- Look people in the eye – don’t look down or glance away and check out who’s walking by while you’re talking. It’s rude and conveys you are not that interested in the conversation
- Don’t be a fast-talker – mimic your audience, if they talk slow, slow down, if they talk fast, speed up, if you don’t you’ll lose their attention
- Smile, but don’t overdo it
- Don’t fidget, adjust your clothes often or look down when people walk by you
- Be comfortable with yourself. Be confident in yourself. Be prepared for any eventuality… or fake it. Don’t let them see you sweat.
There was a TEDTalk recently about how your body language shapes who you are and I thought it would be great to share it here as a final primer to help us all remember that we are strong, confident, accomplished women. We should be able to each make our own signature statement, like Angelina Jolie did at the 84th Oscars, and command a room both verbally and non-verbally, no matter what the situation.
Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are