I was writing something completely different for this month, but then I realized I needed to follow up on last month. So, it’s a little shorter than my usual ramblings, but I wanted to share this – as proof, if nothing else, that I do try to practice what I preach.
I wrote last time about facing your fears and not letting them stop you. There is, however, one more step to this. Seeing something scary and not turning away is one thing, but I’m talking about seeing something you want stepping forwards to ask for it.
In the same week that post went up, the writer/director at 8 Sided Films – the guy who took a great big risk, made me part of the family and has mentored me for the past year – told me over Skype about a film idea he was pitching to someone else.
So in a perfectly-timed example of putting my money where my mouth is I jumped on it. I uttered the words “If they don’t want it, I do”. I even pointed out why I was the best person he knew to actually take on this particular project.
I left it at that, and we continued along our merry way, but after we finished chatting and got off Skype, he called me back a few minutes later to say “What am I doing? It’s yours!”
Scared? You bet I am!
Excited? Hell. Yes.
Aware of just how much extra work I have given myself, and for how long, I’ve prepared myself as best I can – but I’m sure I’ll be smacked upside the head a few times anyway.
The thing is, when I opened my mouth to say I wanted it, I was simply speaking the truth. The story connected immediately with me, and I needed to be part of it.
And…when I said I’m the best person he knows to give it to? Well, that’s also true.
It’s a story about two women who discover magic, and love, and a world they never imagined existed. It’s about love and loss and heartbreak.
It’s a beautiful story, and an important story.
It’s a story that the lesbian community deserves, and the wider community could see and understand.
We all know the magic of love, the pain of loss, the searching for the thing that’s missing. That’s not gender or sexuality related – that’s pure human.
After writing about LGBT presentation in media, about privilege, and about being brave and stepping up – how could I not do this? This is my chance to help create the thing that I keep saying is missing! I can’t back away from that, now can I?
I put on a cynical face, I admit that – but I can’t really deny that I’m a romantic at heart, and this story just has it for me. It’s the dream I never really realised I had!
So welcome to the very beginning. I am here, and I am saying: we’re making a film that can cross borders; that everybody can find magic in. And I’m saying that Tennyson E. Stead will write a fantastic script. And I’m saying that I am the best person to get this story made.
Scary stuff. Especially for someone who makes a point of not putting themselves out in front because I tend to assume someone else will do it better and I’ll probably mess it up.
I don’t suppose I’m the only one who assumes that. It’s hard to put yourself on the line and know that, if it goes wrong, it’s on your head. It’s easy for someone else to say “If you do the work, it’ll be fine” – but that’s not how it feels when the risk is your own. For me personally this was a huge step: I’m saying I can do this and do it better than anyone else. I’m saying I can offer a film that is somehow worthy of the long, long struggle of lesbian women, and that reflects the magic of love.
It’s one thing when a studio with millions of dollars hypes a film all the way to the top, and when it finally comes out it just doesn’t give what was promised. The studio can eat that up and keep going, and unless it was spectacularly badly managed it doesn’t tend to affect in the long-term anyone involved.
We’re an indie studio, and even though we will have other things under our belt by the time it’s complete, a failure to deliver could still smash the reputation of the studio and of me personally.
It’s a scary thing to do, but when I’m not busy remembering all the ways it could go wrong, I’m absolute in my conviction that this is an important film, and that we can make it into exactly what it needs to be. I trust myself and my team, and I know we can do this.
It’s just that the whole thing is a few thousand miles from my comfort zone…
So what about you, dear reader? What’s the scariest thing you’ve done lately? How tempting is it to take the easy road, to decide not to challenge and push but stay in your comfort zone?
What would it take to persuade you to step out and push the limits of what you think you’re capable of?
There will come many moments, over the course of this project, in which I will have the option of taking the easy way out. There will come many moments when all I want to do is just take the easy option and pretend it was the best I could do. I’m sure I could even make it convincing – I’ve done it before.
But I put myself in this because I owe it to myself, and I owe it to my team, and I owe it to the people I’m making this film for. They deserve nothing less than everything I have.
I challenge myself to never stop short of that; and I challenge you to find the best opportunity you can to do the same.
And hey, if I’m going to do this, I figure I may as well do it properly – and publicly: for maximum terror and maximum impact. That way if I take the easy route, you’ll all know.
Money: meet Mouth.
If you want to follow my journey with this new project, you can find us on twitter and facebook, and on our website!