I started acting years ago in high school, which is a funny story for a different day. Today, however, is about my biggest career move yet: becoming a director. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed being an actor, but I had to be an actor first, to find where I belonged in this business.
I spent years going to auditions, sitting in hair and make-up chairs, taking little gigs here and there, but something was always a little off. I would hustle like a maniac to get in front of casting directors, and I’ve been through more agents than I can remember. When I really try to pinpoint my decision to focus on directing, it’s a bit blurry. I had done small directing gigs here and there, and really enjoyed myself. Maybe my problem was I never believed I could be a director and just enjoyed the work I did get. For years, I thought I was meant to act, but now I know that acting was just the beginning.
Just as other actors do, I constantly struggled with my image. Which is the right haircut? Do I need to lose weight? Audition after audition, I felt like I wasn’t getting very far. I asked myself, “Am I really a good actor?” Because whatever career I have, I want to be really, really good at it. Now cue in the new voice in my world, Steve. He had to listen to a constant battle I was having in my own head, about what I wasn’t doing right and I have to follow my dreams, blah, blah… Steve would always jump on my team, and tell me it’s possible. One day I woke up, and with this new support system surrounding me, I knew I could take a risk. I was going to put a screeching halt on what had been 7 years of acting to pursue a new goal: to be a director (and not a half-ass director, but a full on, no-looking back director). The battle that I had been waging in my own head was the result of not being happy with just an acting career.
For me, directing is a bigger challenge, and a much bigger rush. There is a drastic difference between watching my finished work as an actor and a director; with one I would be weirdly uncomfortable, whereas with the other, I would be stoked.
Now, this all happened about 8 months ago, and since then I have decided to focus on short form directing. My attention span just fits better with music videos and commercials. In January I will begin seeking representation as a commercial director and I am really proud of the work I have created in the last few months. I don’t know what lessons can be learned from reading this, but, if nothing else, remember to check in with yourself about what’s really making you happy.
Check out a recent directing endeavor of mine here:
More videos can be seen on my website. Wish me luck in January!