Okay, truth be told, when our lovely Ms. In the Biz Founder/Editor-In-Chief, Helenna Santos, suggested I write about my pilot season this year, my initial thought was, “Oh crap, this is going to be a really short piece! How big of a font can I use?” But when she encouraged me to write about it, even if it was nonexistent, I realized that I did have something to say.
I only went on one pilot audition this year. Quite honestly, I was fine with that. You see, at the start of pilot season I made a conscious decision. I knew I didn’t have representation that could push for me, or any new credits that would generate buzz for me. Basically, I knew I was far from being at the top of – or even on – anyone’s list of series regular contenders. Instead of feeling bad about myself or freaking out about this (my normal go-to reactions), I decided to try something different: I took a mental vacation from “the biz”.
What do I mean by a mental vacation? Well, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get to the point where I feel what only can be described as constant low grade anxiety about the business of acting: Should I get new headshots? Do I need to go to more casting director workshops? Am I networking enough? Is my website updated? Should I send a thank-you note? Where should I send a thank-you note? Wait, did that thank-you note I just sent sound too desperate??! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That’s not to say that all of this stuff isn’t a necessary part of the job, but sometimes it creates a little too much noise in my head. I figured that if pilot season wasn’t a good time to land a new agent or introduce myself to a new casting office, maybe it was a good time to CALM THE EFF DOWN…and shift my focus a bit.
That’s exactly what I did – instead of worrying about pilot season or the business at all, I’d started looking for other ways to nourish myself as an actor. I made more of an effort to see live shows. I auditioned for plays – I even did a monologue at an open call, something I haven’t done in years. I decided to learn more about and get involved in the storytelling/spoken word community in LA. Finally, I began to focus more on my own projects: I started work again on a neglected screenplay and web-series, and I began to think about new ways to generate my own work.
The result of this little mental vacation is that I’m feeling pretty darn energized. All of that actor business stuff I had been obsessing about a few months ago seems a lot more manageable now. I’ve also noticed a shift in my confidence at auditions. Maybe when you take the time to do the things that fulfill you as an artist, you can walk into a room confident that you and your work are enough.
Now don’t get me wrong, I look forward to the day when I’ll have a crazy busy pilot season. I’m sure will it will have a therapy session’s worth of ups and downs, or at the very least, make an excellent Ms. In the Biz piece. However, that’s just not where I was this year, and I’m okay with that because pilot season has still been productive for me.
I’ll wrap this up with a little story. A few weeks ago I was doing a day of temp work at a company I used to be employed at. I had left about six months ago in need of a more actor-friendly work schedule. I was at the front desk when a guy from the IT department noticed I had cut my hair (I’ve had boyfriends and actual relatives notice less). He then asked me if I did it for a role. A year ago, a question like this might have made me feel defensive about my lack of obvious success. I might have even felt the need to justify myself by saying something like, “No, but my agent thought I should change my look” or “No, but it is pilot season”. Instead, I just smiled, said “Nope”, and was genuinely touched that he thought of me as an actor. I realized that I thought of myself as an actor too – nonexistent pilot season and all.
So that’s what my pilot season was like this year. What was yours like? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below!