One of the most commonly heard phrases in award speeches is, “I want to thank my team.” On camera, this usually is the cue for a long list of names that don’t mean a lot to most of the people watching in the television audience. But to the person giving the speech, these names are often the enablers of their careers, allowing them to ride the chaotic wave of opportunity to The Land of Golden Statues.
It turns out that having a team is an important component of motherhood, too. About a month ago, there was a special holiday program at Curly Girl’s school. There was a presentation put on by the kids, followed by a holiday lunch, and I had promised Curly Girl I was going to go. I had a shoot at my house that morning, but I had timelined it all out and was confident that I could fit in everything.
Wake up.
Make breakfast.
Get Curly Girl off to school.
Shower & dress for shoot.
Set up camera equipment and lights.
Conduct interview.
Break down camera equipment & lights.
Drive to preschool.
Beam with pride at Curly Girl’s adorable yet slightly off key song stylings.
Smile while pretending to enjoy eating matzoh.
Unfortunately, when the 405 freeway didn’t cooperate with my timeline (does it ever?) and the guy I was interviewing ended up running a bit late, it threw everything out of whack. The presentation started at 11:30am, and I didn’t even leave the house until 11:40 am. On the way, my phone buzzed with a text from one of the other mothers who was already there.
Are you coming? Curly Girl is wondering. She thought you were going to be here.
“Wondering” is Mom Code for “Getting upset.”
For once, Siri got it right and correctly texted back: On my way. There soon.
No worries. We haven’t started lunch yet.
I got to the classroom just as the kids were finishing up their last song. When Curly Girl saw me, a huge smile filled her cherubic face, which I could see was a bit red and blotchy. She had been crying. I felt my neck and shoulders tense as a wave of guilt washed over me. I never seemed to be able to get it right.
The mom who texted me patted my hand. “She’s fine,” she whispered. “She almost lost it when she didn’t see you, but she held it together. And when Teacher realized what was going on, she immediately let her be the special helper, which made her feel much better. It’s ok.”
The presentation ended, we clapped and moved to the lunch tables. One of the other parents headed over to me, holding out her iPhone. “When I saw that you weren’t here, I took a bunch of videos for you. I’ll text them to you so you can download them. Just curious – is Curly Girl always such an enthusiastic singer?”
I laughed. “Yep, she sure is. I just wish I’d been here to see it live.”
“Well, you’re here now,” said Texting Mom. “And you’ve got your team. We made sure she was ok.”
In that moment, I felt profoundly lucky and grateful. Between Photographer Mom, Texting Mom and Teacher, they took care of my family. They made my daughter feel special. They made me feel better about disappointing my daughter. And they validated my choice to try to both create and parent to the best of my abilities.
One of the unexpected side effects of learning to rely on my team in my personal life has been a corresponding willingness to open myself up to creative collaborators in my professional life. It can be difficult to trust others with your ideas, to be vulnerable in front of them, to take risks. But that is the only way we find the people with whom we can grow. Raising a kiddo is rife with moments of doubt and failure, but you simply have no choice but to keep on moving forward. Life is literally on the line!
This has taught me to be more accepting of my insecurities and doubts about my creative work, and to be less afraid about sharing that with others. If you don’t feel free to fail, you can’t create art.
In addition to your business team, which may include people like your manager, your agent or your lawyer, think about who comprises your creative team. It can take a more obvious format, such as a writing partner or an improv team, or it can be a team of supporters, such as those trusted folk you ask to read early drafts of scripts or fellow actors you call to run lines for auditions. And if you haven’t found your team yet, take a moment to dig deep and ask why. This business is too difficult to navigate alone – you owe it to yourself to be a team player. Plus, it’s a hell of a lot more fun!
If you have stories about how you’ve found your creative collaborators, please share them in the comments.