In the ever present demand for actors to create their own work, I find myself called to discover what roles are true to my core, my essence. “Don’t kid yourself, the psychological blind spot in an individual is ginormous.” says John Dapolito, founder of Actors Where are You Going? program, a cutting edge profiling technique to help professional actors realize their true potential.
Through his seminar and private session, a clarification of myself as a person and artist galvanized. I am now able to articulate my niche beyond such banal terms like ‘Girl next door, aspirational, quirky.’ These stereotype descriptions are used in casting breakdowns ALL THE TIME but they don’t say anything. Not really. It’s an oversimplification that serves casting to communicate a general tone for the role. It does not serve actors to be general. We have to be specific. And how do we do that? I do it by investigating the roles that I am called to and why.
Melanie Griffith said, “Every role you play is a chance to bury that part of yourself that you don’t like.” I heard this the day before I was working in a role where I was to be buried. Literally. I wrote a sizzle/short about two rival colleagues that find themselves trapped 30 feet down a snow crevasse, and I forgot that I’m claustrophobic on occasion. Watching YouTube videos of people buried in avalanches for research didn’t trigger me. Practicing their panicked breathing and wanting to cry but physically can’t– loved it. Couldn’t get enough of the rehearsal.
The fear hit me when I was in the snow cave on a mountain and my crew started shoveling snow on me. That’s when I could feel the freak out coming on and the thought I wrote this part for me. How the f’ did I forget this MAJOR detail of myself? So, yeah, Dapolito is right, the psychological blind spot is huge.
The answer to seek isn’t ‘how did I forget this’ (even though my therapist and I could have field day with it) The larger question is why did I feel called to explore this role. Why did I fly to Alaska and haul a crew of guys into the mountains where there are ACTUAL AVALANCHES to create this scenario? What is in the make up of me, Katie Wallack, that needs to experience this?
…I don’t have an eloquent or profound answer. Any well-crafted response would sound like bullsh*t because defining instinct is impossible. What I know is that we all have dispositions towards this or that. And without judgment of that calling, we should be striving to consciously work in roles that resonate the instinct within. We should go out for those roles only. Even better, write that role for yourself. YOU know you.
John Dapolito helped lead me to the verbalization of that niche and having that definition for myself is freedom. Somewhere inside me, I felt called to explore the near death experience. A survivor instinct lives inside my being. I wanted to feel that Survivor-ness truthfully on a large scale without ever (knock on wood) having to be in actual peril. It is one of the great gifts of acting, the chance to unleash our empathic nature into art.
I’d like to reframe Ms. Griffith’s quote to “Every role I play is chance to accept and let go of judging the part of myself I don’t like.” Hi Claustrophobia, I see you. Thanks for stopping by. The survivor will be taking center stage now.
We have all had those roles that felt like they were written for us. It’s the WHY does it feel that way that’s so damn hard to verbalize. And as women, it’s so important to get clear and write roles for ourselves. SURVIVOR is in my wheelhouse. It’s specific enough for me to understand the roles I’m right for and general enough for casting and the industry at large to understand.
What is your wheelhouse? Identify it, embrace it, explore it and thrive.
