Do you ever look at someone and wonder, “What is going on inside their head?” asks Amy Poehler’s character JOY in Inside Out, Pixar’s upcoming feature about the emotional mindscape of an 11 year old girl (***100 points if you can name the first Pixar film!***).
I do! All the time. Artists, especially, are naturally inclined to wonder what is going on inside someone’s head pretty much all the live long day. Whether it be a writer coming up with a complex character, an illustrator enhancing a visual concept of a human being, or an actor taking on a meaty role, it is hard-wired in us creator types to connect to all emotional complexities. You think looking into the mind of an adolescent girl is fascinating?? Try hacking into a corner of an artist’s brain at any given moment of the day. To better illustrate this point, let’s step inside my head to introduce you to my Pixar like emotions about the industry so you can see what I’m talking about.
JOY
This is the warm & fuzzy feeling I get from working on my craft day in & day out; the privilege to share my art with the world in any capacity is such an amazing high it literally has enough power to keep me going even through the lowest of lows. Joy makes me want to break out in song– “I GOT THAT JOY JOY JOY JOY DOWN IN MY HEART! WHERE? DOWN IN MY HEART! WHERE?” Joy is my bae, Joy is my ride or die chick, Joy completes me… Need I say more?
DISGUST
Revulsion from the fakeness, misogyny and bias of this industry can be enough to make you want to retch for months! It’s knowing that sometimes attention seeking fakers will make it before me or instead of me. There’s also that one little thing that millions of artists do: Selling out. Eww… Excuse me while I go take another mind numbing shower to wash that yuckiness off. #ICantEven
ANGER
This feeling comes from ongoing frustration that my career isn’t moving fast enough, booking gigs are next to impossible or writer’s block won’t go away. Anger also hits me when I am being type-cast. Being stereotyped as a character seriously makes my blood boil. Casting assumes I only do comedy as a fat girl or weight loss commercials. Actually, some of my best performances have been when I have played dark, evil and am in powerful positions. Don’t let these dimples fool you!
SADNESS
Do I have to talk about this one?
No surprise that we all inevitably do experience this emotion too many times throughout our lives. As someone who is personally VERY attached to my family, I know that I have added more sadness layers to my life experience. Pursuing this passion does require me to live far away from them. The amount of milestones I have missed are too many to count. The weddings, the births, the funerals, the holidays or just plain missing out on the physical connection with my loved ones– Either I can’t afford the plane ticket home, or I am working on a new project, or both. Over time my “normal people” friendships have become strained and people I thought were going to be in my life forever have now dwindled down to Facebook friend updates. Sniff… Somebody pass the Kleenex please… #ButDontFeelSorryForMe
FEAR
THIS is the one that keeps me up at night by having it– and gets me up in the morning because I don’t. Lemme explain: Back in the day when I was just an actor, I felt fear 24/7. Fear of not being good enough for the industry as in “I’m not pretty enough” or “I’m too fat” and “omg what am I gonna do– there is nothing else I want to do with my life!” I’ve found that it’s not what I personally thought about myself– but what I projected onto myself, due to the restraints and limitations this industry puts on an actress. However, once I finally took myself out of that narrow minded patriarchal-box and decided to make my OWN content, I started living in a NO FEAR mindset. Nowadays, the only thing I fear is that there isn’t enough time to share with the world all the amazing projects I will be making! When I wake up and rise out of bed, my fearless warrior face is painted on as well as my armor against any ugly or judgmental thing anyone could do in this town. #TeamIDontGiveAShit
Each of these five emotions are completely intertwined, needing each other in order to push an artist to provoke themselves beyond something greater than they could ever understand. We don’t want it to be too easy, because then we wouldn’t be challenged. We don’t want it to be unattainable either, or else we would all be daydreaming about getting there. Being an artist can be an all-amazing and at the same time all-maddening life experience. Depending on what emotion you are feeling and how much you allow that emotion to take over your daily ambitions will determine where your path leads you…
Which reminds me, have you hugged your emotions today?