SUNSET & VINE: Enter The Void

0

JANUARY 2016.

BANG! That was how the year began and I like that. Scratch that, I love that! I have never been one to complain about “being to busy” – I’ve thrived off the high of the ride since birth, quite literally <insert big cheesy surfer or smiley or wave emoji>.

The year started with a Scandal audition first up, and I booked it. That was nice, it was great. Moving on, the next week recorded a Lexus ad, the following week started on a pilot I am writing with my creative partner, meanwhile, editing my short film I co-wrote & star in. Not to mention finally maintaining a (way to long) sought out meditation practice, a yoga class a day, being generous and self-aware of giving it back, paying it forward and journaling it all in stream of conscious thought. Even got a couple of extra checks in the mail that I was not expecting!

I know, gross, right?

The paragraph you have just read, directly above, that I clearly just wrote by my own hand, would normally make me puke in mouth if I was reading it off of a Facebook post or in a blog, magazine, what-have-you. By now, if I were reading this column or I suppose, if I were you in this case, I most likely would have moved on with a large eye-roll and probably a few “twatsor “please bitches …. However –

I LOVED JANUARY!

FEBRUARY 2016.

Ooof! It’s cold when you’re lonely.

It seems emotions are like blood when it comes to the weather outside — The hotter the place you are coming from the thinner the blood you’re packing.

Seriously, I went to the T-Mobile store because I thought my phone was shut off … It wasn’t.

For realz though, it sure did feel like it. As life does sometime, it all came to a screeching halt. Why? It was the problems of self-awareness doing the dirty work; not feeling wanted or needed or that I was enough. You know, that fun road trip! Perhaps, for my money, it was the lack of problems at hand. I wanted a wallow! Period. Nothing significantly difficult was going in my life by any means, certainly not any tragedies. I was finding myself wallowing in my own nonsense, which in turn made me want to do a-b-so-l-u-t-e-l-y no-t-h-i-n-g.

Alas, after a few days of letting myself indulge in these feelings of emptiness, I grew tired of its shit company and just turned my phone off. Louis C.K. has a great example talking to Conan O’Brien of what I’m talking about. Instead of explaining it to you, and because he is just consistently grande, I have included the link here (it starts about a minute in):

I am really used and have long come accustomed to the roller-coaster ride that comes with this business and I usually handle it really well (to be honest, I am probably addicted to it in a way by now for all the great, the bad & the ugly bits of it), but for soooooooooome reason the high tide of January was not an easy one to come off of.

So, after throwing my phone out the window, I meditated* for a good long time.

*Quick disclaimer: Not to center this article on meditation, but I must say that I started a real, true daily meditation practice at the start of this year — Thank You Deepak and Oprah! Say what you may about that duo, but not for nothing they are pretty f***ing fantastic. Check out the App Infinite Abundance. I dig it, and it’s super simple and perfect for my meditating needs:

Frank Sinatra wallowed it best when he crooned out;

That’s life (that’s life) that’s what all people say
You’re riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I’m gonna change their tune,
When I’m back on top, back on top in June

…so I will leave you on that tune. Thanks for listening if and “Namasté betches” 🙂

And For Frank’s Sake! —> bring on The Ides of MARCH already!

*photo courtesy of gratisography.com

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS POST, JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!




Tonya Cornelisse

About Tonya Cornelisse

Oh, did you say “uncomfortability” ? Me too! So lets all embrace it…cos it is humanity in the raw flesh - it’s weird, sticky & completely awesome and I Love It! That is my greeting. I know. Hello! I am a storyteller. I make my living as an actress, voice-over artist & writer. I am a New Yorker living right in the middle of Hollywood, “Sunset & Vine”, as my blog will be called. I am pursuing head-on what I can only do without becoming insane and it’s wonderful. I started acting professionally at a young age and continued on to NYU, where I also took on a second major in Psychology, thus, spent the first part of my adulthood on East 11th Street. Theatrically, I have worked extensively Off-Broadway from The Daryl Roth Theatre, The Cherry Lane, Labyrinth, Ensemble Studio Theatre, Humana Festival, and many more. I have worked in over 25 films big & small including the upcoming theatrical releases of Nick Cassavetes’ Yellow, Pelé, and The Wolves of Savin Hill. Television shows have included NCIS, Parks & Recreation, Law & Order(s), ER and have been the series lead in two of FOX Search-light’s Digital Webisodes including The Katie Kooter Show which I also created. I am currently the lady voice for Lexus.