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SUNSET & VINE: Enter The Void



BANG! That was how the year began and I like that. Scratch that, I love that! I have never been one to complain about “being to busy” – I’ve thrived off the high of the ride since birth, quite literally <insert big cheesy surfer or smiley or wave emoji>.

The year started with a Scandal audition first up, and I booked it. That was nice, it was great. Moving on, the next week recorded a Lexus ad, the following week started on a pilot I am writing with my creative partner, meanwhile, editing my short film I co-wrote & star in. Not to mention finally maintaining a (way to long) sought out meditation practice, a yoga class a day, being generous and self-aware of giving it back, paying it forward and journaling it all in stream of conscious thought. Even got a couple of extra checks in the mail that I was not expecting!

I know, gross, right?

The paragraph you have just read, directly above, that I clearly just wrote by my own hand, would normally make me puke in mouth if I was reading it off of a Facebook post or in a blog, magazine, what-have-you. By now, if I were reading this column or I suppose, if I were you in this case, I most likely would have moved on with a large eye-roll and probably a few “twatsor “please bitches …. However –



Ooof! It’s cold when you’re lonely.

It seems emotions are like blood when it comes to the weather outside — The hotter the place you are coming from the thinner the blood you’re packing.

Seriously, I went to the T-Mobile store because I thought my phone was shut off … It wasn’t.

For realz though, it sure did feel like it. As life does sometime, it all came to a screeching halt. Why? It was the problems of self-awareness doing the dirty work; not feeling wanted or needed or that I was enough. You know, that fun road trip! Perhaps, for my money, it was the lack of problems at hand. I wanted a wallow! Period. Nothing significantly difficult was going in my life by any means, certainly not any tragedies. I was finding myself wallowing in my own nonsense, which in turn made me want to do a-b-so-l-u-t-e-l-y no-t-h-i-n-g.

Alas, after a few days of letting myself indulge in these feelings of emptiness, I grew tired of its shit company and just turned my phone off. Louis C.K. has a great example talking to Conan O’Brien of what I’m talking about. Instead of explaining it to you, and because he is just consistently grande, I have included the link here (it starts about a minute in):

I am really used and have long come accustomed to the roller-coaster ride that comes with this business and I usually handle it really well (to be honest, I am probably addicted to it in a way by now for all the great, the bad & the ugly bits of it), but for soooooooooome reason the high tide of January was not an easy one to come off of.

So, after throwing my phone out the window, I meditated* for a good long time.

*Quick disclaimer: Not to center this article on meditation, but I must say that I started a real, true daily meditation practice at the start of this year — Thank You Deepak and Oprah! Say what you may about that duo, but not for nothing they are pretty f***ing fantastic. Check out the App Infinite Abundance. I dig it, and it’s super simple and perfect for my meditating needs:

Frank Sinatra wallowed it best when he crooned out;

That’s life (that’s life) that’s what all people say
You’re riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I’m gonna change their tune,
When I’m back on top, back on top in June

…so I will leave you on that tune. Thanks for listening if and “Namasté betches” 🙂

And For Frank’s Sake! —> bring on The Ides of MARCH already!

*photo courtesy of


Tonya Cornelisse

About Tonya Cornelisse

Theatrically, Tonya has worked both on and Off-Broadway honing the stages of The Daryl Roth Theatre, The Cherry Lane, Labyrinth, The Public Theatre, E.S.T., Humana Festival, and many more. In Los Angeles: Sam Shepard's Buried Child at The Whitefire Theatre, IAMA Theatre Company. Tonya is a proud member of Ensemble Studio Theatre, where she can regularly be seen on stage in Los Angeles. Tonya has worked in over 30 films big & small including the upcoming THE VOYAGE OF DOCTOR DOLITTLE with Robert Downey Jr. and LOVE IS NOT LOVE.Other features: BENT, MOPE, GROW HOUSE, Nick Cassavetes’ YELLOW, PELÉ, CRAVE, & THE WOLVES OF SAVIN HILL. She garnered multiple awards from all around the world (including the BFI Award for Best Actress) for her performance in LIMINAL. Television shows include Catastrophe, Trial & Error, How To Get Away With Murder, Scandal, NCIS, Parks & Recreation, ER, Law & Order(s), The Wolfpack of Reseda and the series lead in two of FOX Searchlight’s Digital Webisodes including Crack Whore Galore & The Katie Kooter Show which she also created. In addition to her acting credits, Tonya has penned a number of screenplays, plays and short stories including Dog Lovers, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. She works extensively in Voice Over including Voice of Lexus & Lipton Tea. Tonya is also an award-winning Narrator: TONYA'S NARRATION PROFILE