There are many people, me included, that showed up in LA with a car full of belongings and a brain full of aspirations. While many friends vacillated on the idea of leaving the familiar comfort of home, I pulled the trigger and started my pursuit. I remember the first year of being in LA – whether I was grocery shopping or getting those first headshots taken, every single day felt like a series of near-humiliations and incredibly hard-earned personal successes. Not getting lost! Receiving my first audition notice! Having my name remembered by anyone at all! These were major, life-affirming steps towards my goals.
The way I see it, I am always in active pursuit of something. That’s what brings purpose to my life. I work towards something. I reach it. I work towards something else. It grows. I dream, plan, sacrifice, work, risk, grieve, revise, focus, repeat. If I’m being good to myself, I am brave and relentless and unforgiving in my want of that something, and I do not let fear get in the way.
The drive to LA was my first move towards my something. I did not consider that some people are so afraid of failing that they don’t even try at their something. I knew what I wanted, and I went. I was constantly, proudly working towards my next, bigger, better something, and it was exciting as hell.
Unfortunately, inevitably, regrettably…I allowed the fear to creep in and the pride to fade, and began comparing my somethings to everyone else’s somethings. Trust me on this one: letting fear take the wheel is a great way to come to a crashing halt.
It becomes difficult to reach your something without wishing you were better, or farther, or richer. We feel pressure to impress at cocktail parties. We beat ourselves up because we still lean on server jobs to pay rent. I see my more traditional friends get married and become moms, and start to question if the sacrifices are really worth all this pursuit. Comparison brings fear, fear brings a stop to the progress, stopping brings more comparison – the cycle is like quicksand.
A friend recently reminded me that “comparison is the thief of joy”. Whoa. That statement is both beautifully simple and horribly complicated, am I right? Anyone who has been seduced by a Facebook album of an expensive wedding, or blindsided by an impressive on-set selfie knows this – we instantly forget what we were so proud to achieve! Suddenly, the something you have shaped your whole life around doesn’t seem as shiny as the somethings that everyone else seems to have.
We are on our own journey at our own pace, my friends. We are not in a reality-show race to complete the mission of life ASAP (thank Jesus, cus I’m not very competitive). We are not required to report our progress to a panel of judges. We can not get voted off the island.
Comparing ourselves to the more successful classmate, or the more financially stable sibling, or the seemingly happier Facebook friend gets. us. nowhere. (side note: no one’s life is actually as fabulous as it looks in Instagram pictures. Ever.) Comparison is the opposite of that satisfying, balanced, hopeful cycle that happened when you first started on your pursuit.
Do not compare your beautiful, dynamic, truth-saturated journey to anyone else’s – your somethings are sacred and personal and worthy of all your attention. Do not waste another moment comparing: you are too damn awesome, and ain’t nobody got time for that!
We must not wallow in any feelings of lesser-than. We must not feel jealousy at other’s successes, or fear that their successes cancel out our own. We must know that each step we take in the direction of pursuit is a step that should be fully celebrated, regardless of what anyone else is doing.
Comparison poisons the joy that you hopped in your car and drove 3000 miles west to pursue. Put that same amount of Facebook-trolling energy into yourself and your next great pursuit. Let the distractions and intimidations fall away. Stand tall and confident that your path will lead you where you want to go. Just stop comparing. It works. I promise.
Keep your eyes on your own paper, keep your focus dead ahead, and face each day knowing that you are worthy of your next something and brave enough to pursue it.