I used to work in a fine dining restaurant with a great reputation. I filled a typical actor/server stereotype. The job allowed me last-minute audition flexibility, brought quick money, was something I was good at doing… I know this is familiar to many of you.
I also used to spend a lot of time complaining about my job. I complained about my feet hurting, feeling overqualified, the commute, the people, the bureaucracy…the list got pretty long. I grew accustomed to feeling a mixture of under-appreciated, over-worked, not rested, and unfocused. I was pretty convinced I simply had to stay unhappy if I wanted to pay rent.
I worked back-to-back double shifts. I skipped birthday parties. I showed up to morning auditions totally exhausted, and to classes unprepared and uninspired. I allowed the thing that generated my income to take precedent over the things that made me a happy, well-rounded, satisfied person. It was almost as if I was sentenced to a penance of being displeased for about 6 hours a day so I could also pursue the career I actually deserved.
But then, FINALLY, it hit me. I was married to an anchor of a job and I needed a divorce before I drowned. What was I doing? I was holding SO tightly to a thing I didn’t want at all! I wanted to be open and available and ready for the universe to show me something better, but first, I HAD TO QUIT THAT JOB. And about a month ago, I did. And it was so damn freeing – in an awesomely cliché, bald eagle-soaring-over-the-Pacific-at-sunset kind of way.
I realized that if I stayed where I was, I would only have that job. If I left, I had the whole world ahead of me.
Here’s the thing: this past September, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. In October, a close friend’s Mom began her treatment for breast cancer. The week before Thanksgiving, my Grandmother died. In November, my Dad started chemo. In that same week, my best friend’s Mom started chemo and radiation. In April, a third friend began caring for her Dad who lost both legs to diabetes and her Mom who is battling a brain tumor. It has been a shit-storm of garbage, to put it mildly.
Without getting too heavy (or am I already there?), I was handed a series of chances to be reminded of the fragility of our lives. I was reminded of the value of grabbing life by the proverbial balls and getting what you want while you still can. I don’t want to trivialize the severity of cancer by comparing it to a waitressing job, but it really got me thinking: What the HELL was I doing with my time? I had so many skills and ideas and abilities that were simply not being used. Why was I selling myself so short just to make some easy money? Why was I wasting precious minutes of my healthy, happy life complaining about anything at all?!
This article is a call to action. This is an urgent request that we do not spend any of our time on a job we hate, or an obligation we resent, or a boyfriend who is unkind. Do not spend time on ANY SINGLE THING that makes us feel anything less than completely full of joy and value. Do not let your unhappiness become who you are.
We must be proud of how we spend our time and excited about what we are going to do tomorrow. We must, MUST chase what we want and not sit on our haunches because the money is easy to make, or the situation is comfortable, or the change seems confusing. Life is bigger and better and more important than that stuff. It’s just STUFF, you guys. Life is simultaneously precious and tough as hell, and that’s what should inspire us – not trap us.
Let go of the crappy job that makes you angry. Move out of the apartment you share with a crazy roommate. Go back to school and get the degree you really wanted. Drop the unsupportive boyfriend and go have some fun on Tinder, for christsake! It is ok not knowing what is next, because that is the rollercoaster ride of life’s reality anyway. We never ACTUALLY know what’s next, so what’s the point in being certain about all the stuff in our lives that we hate?
I’m taking time to figure out what I want my life to look like, and how I am going to get there. I’m deciding whom I want in my life, and whom I’m better off without. I strongly suggest you do the same. Not having steady income is a little stressful, yes, but not more stressful than staying miserable while knowing a simple change is within reach. You just have to do the reaching part.
Take a survey of what is causing you grief, and see if it can be eliminated. Chances are, it can be. Your healthy, focused, happy Future Self will thank you for it.