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How to get what you want by asking for it the right way…

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Stephanie PressmanDo you ever feel resentful or frustrated? There is a lot of negativity in Hollywood. A lot of entitled people. I’m not saying you are entitled, but you might sound like it. There is a lot of whining and a lot of complaining. I see most of it quite clearly on social media. Stop complaining on social media it makes you seem weak and it looks bad, and most importantly it probably makes you come across as unprofessional.

I encounter a lot of people daily that say that they work in this industry. They say they work in the industry but they do nothing to actually get what they want. I find people that complain they didn’t get an audition, didn’t get cast, didn’t get a job, didn’t get invited to a party. I am sick of hearing people complain about what they didn’t get when they didn’t even try. Just think if I am sick of it – the casting directors, directors, producers, you are trying to work with are sick of it too. Have you noticed yourself doing this?

What are some of the reasons we don’t ask?

a fear of rejection
don’t know what we want
don’t know it’s possible
think we shouldn’t have to ask
think we are selfish for asking
don’t know how to ask

If you want to be invited to the party and someone you know threw it – then simply shoot a message to the person who threw the event and say, “Hey, I saw you had a party and it looked like a lot of fun – next time I would love to get an invite if you have room” or better yet tell them in person so it doesn’t seem petty or snarky and seems genuine. If you want to be invited to audition for a part send the casting director an email and say, “I really think this project sounds amazing, I’d love the opportunity to audition for it”. Go to a red carpet event for a film you wish you were in? Go right up to the director at the after party and say, “I enjoyed your work – I would like the opportunity to work with you in the future”.

You cannot assume everyone reads minds! You have to ask for what you want and you should do it before you lose your cool and are at a place where it comes from anger or fear. If you don’t have the right contacts to pitch yourself – talk to your agents, managers, or friends that might have those contacts. Ask them to help you get your foot in the right door.

Ask while it’s still relevant – realize that if you ask after the project you wanted to be a part of is already cast or the party you wanted to attend has already happened – you are asking for consideration of the next film or next red carpet down the line.

Be specific about what you want. If your friend is a producer or director of a project that you want to be a part of tell them what you want to do and what your skills are so they can keep you in mind for exactly what you will be good at.

Be direct – tell people what you want, don’t beat around the bush – again, people don’t read minds – they don’t. So ask for exactly what you want.

Be brave, be strong, be confident but also be kind and genuine. Everything is within your reach – you have the skills and hopefully you have the social skills to land everything you want. Try hard to not come off as defensive – you can do this by asking before you are upset or after you find a calm place and collect your thoughts.

You won’t always get everything you ask for – that’s the truth and we know it – but you are much closer to getting what you want by asking than by not asking and you will know you tried your hardest to get what you want. There are no regrets to be had when you did whatever you can to achieve your goals.

When I was 18 years old I asked a famous actor for an introduction to his agent by writing my info on the back of a “Hot Dog On A Stick” receipt. Needless to say, he never introduced me – but I run into him all the time at events and on carpets and we get to laugh about that moment when I asked. There is no regret to that story. I gave it all I had and wrote my info on all I had.

What will you go out and accomplish by taking matters into your own hands and stop being negative?

Stephanie Pressman

About Stephanie Pressman

Stephanie Pressman is an actor, producer, host, model and comedian from Atlanta, GA. Born into a family of performers she started acting and modeling professionally as an infant. She has worn many hats (figuratively and literally too) some of her favorite productions include co-founder and editor of Fashionably Nerdy, creator and moderator of the SPARK Your Creativity (female creators) Convention Panel, Co-Executive Producer of Stalking LeVar, founding member of The Show That Shall Not Be Named (Harry Potter Themed Improv Comedy), and most dear to her heart being a mother. You can find Stephanie on social media @StephPressman