As an actress in Hollywood, and as a plus-sized woman, I often hear some variation of this nugget, from colleagues and strangers alike: “But you have such a pretty face! “, “You are ruining your acting career…” “Either need to gain 40 pounds or lose 60 pounds if you want to work in this town”…
You may not be someone who ever hears this, but here’s a not-so-shocking reality, body-shaming happens ALL. THE. TIME. If you live anywhere near the entertainment capital of the world, you’ve probably heard various critiques about your natural body shape – including, but not limited to:
your butt is too big,
your butt isn’t big enough,
your breasts are too small for your frame,
your breasts are too big for your frame,
your belly sticks out too much,
you need to get rid of your muffin top,
you have too many bones protruding,
you should have a thigh gap,
your arms are not defined enough,
your waist needs to curve in tighter…
And countless others. This constant inundation actually inflicts double-damage. Once this negativity enters our mind-space, it tends to multiply and echo. Did you know that on average, women have 13 negative body thoughts daily? That’s nearly one for every waking hour. And many others confess to having 35, 50 or even 100 hateful thoughts about their own shapes each day.
For those who don’t understand, I should point out an inconvenient truth here: Not all of us get to ‘choose our body type’. There’s more to ‘fatness-vs-fitness’ than you’ve been taught. As Morpheus might say: What if I told you that it is possible for fat people to be fit & healthy and that thin people can be unfit and unhealthy?
If those facts above are still hard to stomach, you have to understand that part of our problem is how people are continuously portrayed in film/tv/media. We are given only a taste of what people actually look like, which is usually the entertainment version of the 1%, while the rest of us fall under the 99%. Naturally, looking at all the bodies we see on screen disproportionately influence our perception of bodies in the real world. If we see it, we believe it and want to be it. That’s a lot of pressure, right?
Cineplexes all over the country are still showing The Duff, a film where the lead female is described as “frumpy” and she is horrified to discover her classmates are calling her the “designated ugly fat friend” (by the way, the actress playing The Duff was neither fat nor ugly but thanks to this movie (Kudos, marketing department!) young girls everywhere can now compare themselves to her image in order to decide where they rate on the Duff scale) and body-shamers have a brand new slur that can be unleashed upon a new generation of teen victims. Umm, thanks?
The few notable occurrences when Hollywood casts a plus-gal in a lead, she almost always serves as a stark contrast to the “desirable” females, and is relegated to the role of ‘jester’ or ‘charity project’. Melissa McCarthy, Rebel Wilson and Gabourey Sidibe are the most visible examples – and while these talented women are breaking ground, I wish they didn’t have to work so hard to only be offered a fraction of the roles their skinny counterparts enjoy. (A fraction that the rest of us lesser-known plus-size actors would kill for, by the way…)
What if I told you that (gasp!), not everyone wants to be skinny? Mindy Kaling, America’s secret sweetheart, recently told Vogue, “ I’m always trying to lose 15 pounds. But I never need to be skinny. I don’t want to be skinny. I’m constantly in a state of self-improvement, but I don’t beat myself up over it.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. Do I want to lose a little weight? Yes. Do I always want to challenge myself with new fitness goals to ensure I stay strong and healthy? Of course! But will I let the fact that I am not a perfect version of Hollywood’s expectations of what I’m supposed to look like stop me from my path as an artist? That would be a BIG NO. If we keep waiting for that day that we will be physically perfect and acceptable by Hollywood’s standards then we will always be waiting.
I’ll admit, it’s tempting to spend the day complaining about the unfairness of it all, but I’m proposing a fresh approach to this problem. If you want to see the change, BE the change.
And by that, I mean ‘Start writing’.
After about 15 years of brutal auditions and hundreds of rejections, I asked myself “What if I were the boss of the show? What if the part was written just for me?” This one question has opened a new world of possibilities, introducing me to skills I never knew I had. #LeapOfFaith
Here are some ways we can take action and change Hollywood’s stereotypes of us:
- Start calling out shamers everywhere. Small or big, it’s happening every day and we can step in and say something. You never know who is paying attention, especially in social-media-land, and you can influence them by your words!
- Don’t blame your shape and size for why you aren’t where you want to be. Instead, let your natural differences be your selling points on why you are going to make it in the business.
- If you’ve limited yourself to a role that doesn’t match your dreams, you’re doing yourself (and the world) a disservice. If you want to see yourself represented in the stories we pay for, then you’ll have to step out of the shadows and become active in the craft and business of story-creation. Even if you’ve never considered yourself a writer or producer, get your pen out – and be the change YOU wish to see in the world! If you want to be inspired by wonderful examples, look no further than Geena Davis, Amy Poehler, and Zooey Deschanel.
Accept yourself as you are TODAY, not 10, 20, 30 pounds from today. Focus on everything awesome about you now and share it with the world so you can inspire others. The world changes for the better when we allow ourselves to evolve. In the upcoming months, I’ll continue to share my plus-life in this industry I love, in the hope that I can contribute to a Hollywood where women of all shapes and sizes can earn a seat at the table. I invite you to join me here, to share your experiences, and together we can use this column to make something good happen.