For those who don’t know me, I’m originally from Spain. (Yes, that’s why I have a funny accent) (and no, it’s not in South America, it’s in Europe). For the past two years I’ve lived in LA and I’ve come back to Madrid for Christmas (and presents!). Do I miss Spain? All the time. I’m in España while I write this article, do I miss LA? Like crazy. I’m now divided, it’s something that’s in my head daily: is this LA thing just a crazy idea or is it where I should be? Where’s home for me now? I’ve been told that after being in LA for 2 to 3 years, the first big crisis comes, expectations and reality slap you in the face.
This year didn’t start as I had expected, mostly because I didn’t recognize myself. Since I was a little blonde baby if I had to describe myself in one word I would say: Passion. My characteristic passionate drive was nowhere to be seen, even if I wanted I had nowhere to push from. But I kept going, that’s me. I felt failure, I felt weakness, I felt alone and frequently misunderstood. I tried to hide it but it was evident and all this was affecting my work, or should I say, the lack of it.
So I took a drastic measure: I left for Spain for an unset amount of time. I moved into a friend’s living room prior to going back to Spain, joined a Muay Thai class (who isn’t going to feel better punching things every day?) and started eating healthy. I think I didn’t even open my Actors Access account for several days in a row (MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT). I needed to evaluate what I was really doing in LA, refocus my efforts (I was doing too much but with no organization) and keep dreaming but, for sure, keep living. I had forgotten to live. Making the decision was scary, paralyzing, deceiving but, funny enough, after cutting myself some slack, I felt free.
And what happened since then has made this year one of the best years of my life.
I was still in LA when a Casting Director from Spain contacted me to see if I could audition for a Series Regular role in a daily tv show. I had stopped knocking on people’s doors on daily basis and now I was offered to walk straight in.
I was also still in LA when a colleague contacted me to ask me if I would help with story and script of a series in Spain. I hadn’t even told him I was going back. Flash forward 3 months, we’re filming my script with a team of over 40 people. (I hadn’t felt entitled to write anything lately, not even articles for Ms. In the Biz, I felt I had nothing to say.) I sent the first draft and was freaking out. After some excruciating hours not leaving my computer out of sight, I got a Skype call. AAAAHHHHHH.
- Hello? (Keeping it cool)
- So what do you think? (It sucks, I’m sure, he’s laughing at me, why did I even write..?)
- hahahahha It’s hilarious
- What? (Death)
- We love it.
Being in España has made me realize how much I’ve learned in LA and, most importantly, has made me fall in love again with my craft. I was having a major crisis and unresolved issues were building up. A step back and reassessing priorities made me take a big jump forward. Now I can come back.
*photo courtesy of Dollar Photo Club