After reading the stories of all the survivors of Bill Cosby’s rape accusations, a friend pointed out on Facebook one common theme that no one is talking about: the agent’s role in this. I had noticed it too. Now whether or not they knew what was going on, one thing is very clear in this industry: the young and impressionable are easy prey for predators, especially when the carrot is making it in entertainment.
I should know. It has happened to me more times than I care to admit. Here is a story I will share:
Years ago I was modeling a bit and I met a very charismatic man who wanted to make me famous. I laughed at the famous part but I was still trying to break into the industry in NYC and anything seemed promising. He told me how beautiful I was and that I was perfect for print and commercials. He wanted to introduce me to people he knew because they were VERY important people to meet. He asked me to meet him at his office after 6pm, after everyone had left, to talk about my career and then go meet a few friends of his. This should have been a red flag but I was very young and thought he knew more than I did about this industry so I should go. Even as I write this, the adult Tanya is screaming “RUN away” as the impressionable girl walked into the building to be asked to do something I did not want to do.
I know you are asking these questions:
Why didn’t you just leave? Why didn’t you say NO the first place?
Why didn’t you see the signs?
I need you to look at our culture. Women are still fighting for our rights to have equal pay and blamed for making “bad” choices based who we think we can trust. These women trusted their agents who trusted Bill Cosby who was trusted by millions because of his celebrity that dictated a trustworthy person. How can we blame them? The collective WE never built a solid foundation for victims to be helped. Actually, we blame the victims for not having the foresight in these situations rather than looking at the complicated psychology of these crimes. The message reinforced in our world of the female gender role is to look attractive, but not slutty because you will be asking for it. Industry breakdowns go out EVERY DAY looking for the hot, beautiful, young, fresh blah blah blah girls that reinforce traditional beauty standards over who the character actually is. These roles turn up in everything we watch so these messages are embedded into our psyche empowering how a woman looks is how she should be treated. So when these fresh off the boat models & actresses are seeking a leg up in the business, of course they are easy prey. They are set up to be. When they speak up, they are questioned because maybe they asked for it by dressing that way or seeing the signs and ignoring it.
Instead of asking the questions to her, let’s flip this to him:
Why was he asking her to meet him at his office after hours? Why did he want to see her alone? Why couldn’t he have just met in a coffee shop to discuss this budding career? What was he saying to her to convince her to do these things?
Let me give you some awareness tips to help those who may not know the signs of a predator:
1.Charm and niceness – it is good to be nice. Beware of anyone too nice.
2. Discounting the word “NO.” This is a red flag. No matter how much you say no, you might as well be whistling in the dark.
3. Loansharking – This is giving or offering to give an unasked for gift or favor. What this does is put the victim in debt to the predator.
4. Forced Teaming – Creating an articificial bond between them and the victim that isn’t really there. “Hey, we’re in this same boat together.”
5. The Unsolicited Promise – Making promises to the victim that the victim didn’t ask for. “Come on Jennifer, we’ll stay for only a half hour. Just a half hour.”
6. Flattery – Pump up the ego and the victim can be disarmed and led.
7. The Reverse Dare – “I bet you’re the kind of person who is,” afraid, paranoid, over-protective ,etc. to do what the predator is asking. To which the victim will rise to the bait and adamantly deny they were that kind of person and they’ll do what the predator asked just to prove it.
* These strategies were taken from Gavin De Becker’s excellent book on child protection, Protecting the Gift.
*Sourced http://transformetrics.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8626
Hmm, this may seem like a lot of networking parties you have been to. You may have encountered these strategies on set, at your server job or maybe at home. We all use them to some degree but when someone in a very high position of power chronically uses them on people who cannot defend themselves, they have intent to harm.
I wish I could say I immediately left that situation, that I walked away because my Spidey senses where telling me to run, but I did not. At least not right away. Once he asked me to take off my shirt… well, that is when I ran. I never called the police and found out he quickly left the city, so I could never report him. I was in such shock that it’s taken me 13 years to tell this story. Today I am OK and have become a stronger woman in this industry with the vocal power to speak up. So when I read Madeline Merritt’s article here on the site, I raised my hand to every powerful antidote she dropped. We are the game changers to this cycle. To those survivors standing up to this and finally coming forth to this unacceptable behavior, I am by your side. The collective SHE has spoken and she is not gonna shut up now!
*photo courtesy of Dollar Photo Club