Hello readers welcome back. I was talking to a non acting friend recently and she was asking questions about my career and the business in general. I usually try to quickly change the topic in these situations for a few reasons. One, I am tired of talking about it in general and two it’s hard to really explain what we do on a daily basis and in the long term of our careers to anyone, let alone someone with no experience in such matters. For some reason, I chose to answer her question rather than change the subject. The following is what came out of that conversation.
As we talked I wanted to find something to equate how I have been feeling about my career as of late and this is what came out. I told her I felt like my life was not unlike a video game (personal detail, I am somewhat of a gamer). I explained that I feel like I am the main character in my own quest game. I have spent quite a bit of time playing, I have a lot of great things in my tool belt, I’ve learned how to navigate the world I am part of, I have spoken to the elders and teachers and gleaned much from them. I have conquered a few levels in the game, but I am currently stuck on one board. I have effectively killed all of the bad guys, gathered their tools and gold, and I am just wandering through the caves going in circles. I have effectively beaten the level, as far an my novice eye can tell. And yet, I have not made it to the next level, no fanfare, no new gift bestowed to me by the Townsman who sent me on the quest. I am left wandering the maze of caves retracing my steps, for something I missed. Some small detail, a glowing hieroglyph or a stone I didn’t overturn with a hidden key to unlock the wonders of the next realm.
If I were playing this game, controlling my character of myself, I would surely find the missing link, the detail I overlooked and I would make it further into the game. Unfortunately, my life isn’t as easy as the video game version. I feel like I have been toiling away in the maze of my career, unable to attain the next level for myself. And quite frankly I am exhausted. I am running out of mana and I am running out of life and love for the game I’ve been so deeply immersed in for so long.
I am coming up against some hard decisions currently and I am trying to gain some perspective about what I want, what will make me happy and what I can live with. I have not reached any conclusions yet, I would say my opinion wavers on a daily basis. I have really taken the last month off more or less. I am chewing on the idea of giving up the pursuit of TV/Film all together. As everyone that is trying to pursue this career knows it’s the hardest thing you’ll probably ever do. To keep your hope alive and your stamina up and your will to stay in the game. Along with keeping a health balance in your life for yourself and the ones you love. Part of me wants out and part of refuses to give up.
If you read this column on a regular basis you’ll recall that I had said in December that I was going to really give it a go this year, give it my all. I am trying to get myself to a place where I can honor that commitment to myself. I know all things take time. I guess I just need a sign that this is the right path for me, and I need lady luck to pay a visit as well. As always I will keep you posted on my progress, decisions and thoughts next month. Be well readers and stay strong.