In the past month I have noticed and recognized that I am completely addicted to the feeling of being “stressed out.” I actually love the rush it gives me, so when I don’t feel it, I feel like something is wrong with me.
I have spent most of my life stressed out about something, whether it was money or a job or my relationships. The feeling of being “stressed out” is so familiar to me that I recently started stressing about not being stressing out
Sound crazy? Well, you’re right. It is and I am ready to stop the crazy!
According to Dictionary.com “stress” has a couple of meanings:
Stress – special emphasis or significance attached to something
Stress – mental, emotional, or physical strain or tension
Now, when the first definition is put into practice it is a good thing, and I will say my stress has led me to never give up and accomplish what I put my mind to. When under stress I work furiously to finish the task at hand. The adrenaline and high makes me motivated to get sh** done!
I also struggle with the second definition, and the problem is, I think I like it. Your body releases chemicals like dopamine or adrenaline when triggered by certain activities or emotions. I think my brain and body are addicted to the chemical release caused by “stress.”
I recently sold my second feature film (can’t give out the details just yet) and am in the writing room on my next one. I haven’t had to strap on a waitressing apron in almost a year now, and I currently don’t have any financial issues. The career I have spent years trying to build is finally falling into place, my life is where I have always wanted it to be, but I have discovered I can’t relax or enjoy it. I WANT to stress out about something. It’s my “go to” emotion and without it I feel empty, like a drug addict who will find anyway to get their hands on that little pink pill.
The other day I watched Marie Forleo’s video “Upper Limits” and the light went on in my head. I had just picked a fight with my husband (for no reason at all by the way), the night before watching this video. After my very patient husband listened to my tirade, I sat down on the couch and wondered what the heck was wrong with me. Thank God for Marie’s video, which explains “upper limits” so well, and gave me the tools to recognize what was causing my behavior and frustration.
I am moving onward and upward in my career and finally getting to live the life I have always dreamed of. In turn, I don’t have anything to “stress” out about, at the moment, so I find things to “stress” out about. And this is how my “upper level” starts kicking in. Some people withdraw, some get sick, some self –sabotage, ME- I find a reason to be “stressed” out.
When I realized I had this addiction, I wondered how many other people out there might be struggling with it too, and thought here would be a great place to start a dialogue about it. Just like being “busy” is a sickness, so is being “stressed out.” I can’t even express how much I crave the rush and must have that feeling. When its vacant from my life I start feeling out of control. Now that I recognize this, I want to find a way to conquer it. I want to be able to relax and enjoy my peaceful existence as a working filmmaker.
I don’t have the answers to the questions yet, but recognition is always the first step to recovery.
I would love to hear your thoughts, guidance, tools and tips on managing a “stress” addiction.
Hello my name is Alexandra and I am addicted to STRESS.