Making the film “Incredible Girl” was exciting and scary for a couple of reasons. One, I’d never taken on producing a film project like this before from start to finish. Two, It’s a ‘sexy’ film based on a true encounter, which meant I had to expose some of the innards I’d been hiding in a public way. But connecting to your true self is what it takes to feel the extraordinary. I’m tired of playing small and mediocre. It actually hurts because I know the extraordinary is out there and that I can have it.
Sex is a taboo subject. Well sorta. It is and it isn’t. It comes in three packages: what marketing and media tells us it is, what’s expected of us by friends and family and individually what it really is to us. The first two exist outside of ourselves and are the “nice, acceptable and good” versions (not taboo). The last is the true version and the road less traveled (usually taboo). It’s also the powerful, most extraordinary and the most satisfying choice though everything in society tells us the way to be happy is by listening to others opinions and buying that next hot item.
And as a woman I want to be desired by both men and women. And l’ve accepted that women are biologically driven to need to be ‘the chosen one’, ‘the prize’ and that I’ll go to great lengths to be that. I do things to fit in (I’ll even play cool and pretend I don’t give a shit ), to be wanted and attractive enough to be taken by someone as a friend or lover. I’ve spent time biting into the next hot thing for sale that could make me be the prettiest girl in the room, or to be what my friends and family expect me to be. Most of us don’t like to admit it. But I will. When I’m not chosen I feel like shit. I will also be the first to say that NONE of the expectation of the fancy dance around it is satisfying.
This dance starts young. For example: When I was a kid (I do mean child) I created elaborate fantasies around my barbies and cabbage patch kids doing the back seat mambo with each other, I had a special friend I’d go to the toilet with and we’d watch each other pee with glee (our curiosity was one of a sexual nature that we hid from our parents), I even fantasized about being a whore or a stripper when I grew up. But while I was a child highly in touch with my sexuality I grew up being strangely asexual around my family. I didn’t want anyone thinking I was abnormal. I grew up in the type of family where my Mom did not talk to me about the birds and the bees, where men were feared thus villianized and one day I overheard her sisters asking her (gossiping) if her little tyrant (me) was gay or straight. And that’s where the closing off of my sexual self started. I don’t think this is abnormal. I think many, many people have similar stories and this is why we look outside of ourselves for answers: to feel normal and to stay part of the tribe.
And then I started forgetting my sexual nature and it became sucky in this really average and mediocre kind of way. I want/ed more than that. I want what is extraordinary. And I know others do too. So how do we move from bland to satisfying, average to extraordinary especially around still taboo subjects like sex and sexuality?
And then I found the answer. The answer came in the form of a woman bigger than life and larger than social expectations, both in couture and behavior. She embodied the stronger and less likable side of femininity with a fearlessness that you only see in the movies. She knew exactly what she wanted without apology. She certainly wasn’t average or afraid and meeting her turned something on inside of me that I’d forgotten existed. Something that said, “the extraordinary IS possible, and she has it, which means I can have it and she’s playing with me so it must be inside of me somewhere”. I had just met the person who showed me how it’s done.
Through her I discovered that the remedy to the average, is following that inner compass that takes you through the road less traveled. It tells you what your sexuality is, and it may not be nice or pretty, but it exudes your essence and your power. That is where the extraordinary lies. When we do those fancy things because it’s expected of us, we lose the satisfaction and the the link to the extraordinary that lies inside of us.
This young woman’s badass fearlessness is the reason I made “Incredible Girl”, but ultimately, I made this film to embody her power in hopes of passing that confidence on to others because sometimes we just need someone else to show us the way.