I love going back home. It’s always been a place where I get to be myself without rejection or judgment or fear of the two. My family has always offered a sanctuary for happiness and laughter, and without fail, I leave refreshed and rejuvenated. As much as I love what I do, the best part is no one is from “the industry”; no one cares what you’ve done or haven’t done and no one is measuring your worth by the amount of credits on your resume. I get to walk into the room with confidence that I will be immediately accepted and loved for who I am without having to prove anything. Home offers a much needed break from the daily grind, and I gain so much perspective with every visit. Simply sitting next to the creek, listening to birds and frogs with the gentle breeze blowing through my hair offers clarity unlike anything in the smog ridden city. Yes, I am from the sticks and it’s fucking glorious. Often times I get to sit by the fire with a glass of Malbec and chat with someone older and wiser and through their nostalgia and reflection, acquire a new outlook on life.
Most recently I was able to sit with my Dad’s neighbor, and artist named Marshall. He is a 67 year old Vet who has the spirit of a 35 year old but the experience and sense of a man well beyond his years. As a fellow artist he offers me a comfortability and camaraderie I don’t get from everyone I encounter on my visits home, and he always has such a refreshingly beautiful way of thinking. His provokes constructive thought and feeds my creative soul with affirmations and optimism. He is a rare, beautiful spirit.
He says many things that inspire “ah ha” moments, but there were two things he touched on that really stuck with me.
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It’s already been done.
I have made a few vision boards in my day, but I am not one to pass out copies of The Secret and carry around a million dollar check with the assurance I will cash it one day (though I am definitely not opposed to that.) However, I do firmly believe that you DO attract certain things in your life, I have seen it in mine and others, and do trust in the power of visualization. If you say you are going to fail, if you put out negative thoughts it’s pretty likely that you will get back exactly what you call to mind. The same goes for acting; if you approach a job or an audition with a defeatist attitude, it will permeate the room and your lack of confidence will have an impact on your performance and/or the likelihood of you booking the role.
Marshall is a wood carving artist, and makes incredible wooden sculptures that would blow your mind. When I asked him how he does it he simply said, “I look at the wood and I can see what it wants to be and I follow the instructions of my mind. I see it clearly because it has already been done. Like in life, if there is ever a task so overwhelming that it seems as if there is no end in sight, I reflect on this mantra, and trust that “It’s” already been done, and I surrender myself to that.”
The cynical side of me immediately wanted to reject this–but I couldn’t help be amazed at how beautiful his way of thinking was; attacking a monstrous feat with the notion that you’re simply following the path that’s been laid. It actually simplifies things. Why can’t we meet a huge audition, a challenging role, or those moments of doubt with that mind-frame? Yes, it is easier said than done, but it’s also a much more constructive plan of attack than resting on the fear, or stewing in the negativity of “I can’t.” Walk into the room of that producer session, that pitch meeting, or meet the screen of your computer (and a deadline fast approaching) with the visualization that IT HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE, and follow suit.
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Do it for you, and no one else.
This was a tough one for me to wrap my head around. As actors we constantly seek validation. I am currently hitting the stage daily in a tour and during the weekend reprising a role in a hit LA play; whether I succeed or fail is in the hands of the audience’s connection to my performance–right? Marshall said, “A true creative talent cares not what others think of their Art. They do for themselves and themselves alone. What is truly magical is witnessing someone shine through their talent and live so fully in the moment they lose all sense of audience or critic, and they act as if the only opinion that matters is their own. No one can judge you if you don’t let them.”
Obviously as Actors we have to land the joke and deliver strong compelling performances, because at the end of the day there IS an audience, but how freeing it must be to approach Art or any creative medium with that perspective: “I do it for myself, and no one else.” This is something I have to actively work on, and something I’ve heard from many industry professionals; always make it about the WORK. It’s not about booking the role, it’s not about the judgments or even the accolades of others, it must always be about the craft and love of the work.
This city can be relentless, but we always have to find ways to get that spark back. Sometimes you need to escape the grueling hustle lifestyle, to find the motivational gems that rouse excitement to jump back into a life of drudgery.