I will help women out. I will be there to support other women. This is a promise.
As I write this article I am watching my almost four month old daughter sleep, (finally a nap longer then twenty minutes!!!). She is my everything. I had no idea the love I would have for her before she arrived, or how all I would want to do is make her happy and make her life wonderful.
I am a very organized, an on-top-of-it kind of person and having a baby has not changed that. Part of making sure my daughter is happy involves me joining mommy groups online and taking classes and getting to know other moms. I have quickly learned that women can be really mean to each other.
One of the best and worst parts of being a part of an online mom group is that it is a space where you can ask questions, and chances are no matter what time of day it is, somebody is awake feeding or changing their little one, and is checking out the group on their phone trying to not fall asleep. What an awesome tool right??? Yes and no. You can get amazing feedback on your question, but you also get a lot of judgment. There is sooo much judgment in the mom communities. The women are so harsh to other moms who don’t know any better then to post about controversial topics in the parenting world such as vaccines, car seats, breast or bottle feeding and many other fun hot button items. FYI to swaddle or not swaddle and pacifier talk can also bring up mixed feelings as well.
As a new mom there are so many unknowns. My experience so far has been that anything I planned on doing, breastfeeding, not letting the baby sleep in my bed, getting the baby on a sleep schedule from week one… none of this has gone to plan. My current plan is that there is no plan. So, with no plan in place, I really want a community of women who support each other… and a lot of the times… the mommy groups are not that community. In the past four months I have seen so many women belittling other women, instead of giving advice they are lecturing and rude. This bothers me so much. WHY???? Why can’t we lift each other up instead of tearing each other down?
I spend a lot of time thinking about “Mean Mommies.” That is what I have started to call them. I wonder what happens to us that creates this. What makes women “mean” to each other? I do not think that only moms are mean to each other… I think women can be hard on women of all backgrounds. Why?
Is it a power thing? Trying to stay at the top by keeping everyone else in their place?
Are we scared that if others succeed we will look bad?
I do not have an answer, but I do know that I want to work with women and promote women and see pieces about women! I want to work with moms, and grandmothers and moms of the four legged kind, heck, I want to work with women who do not have kids!
I know that since having a baby I have learned to let things go… I often leave the house smelling of spit up, wondering if I put on deodorant… but I work hard to have a family and am getting my feet wet in the working world again and I promise to be kinder and to try to find a more personal connection to other women.
I want my daughter to grow up seeing me as a strong, smart and funny woman. I want her to know that I worked hard and that feminism is a wonderful thing.
I want to work. I have a family. My daughter is in daycare, that is my choice. I yell on set sometimes. I make bad mistakes. I have goals I am continually working towards, and sometimes I have to spend time away from my family. I laugh at inappropriate jokes. I could stand to loose a bit of weight. My daughter’s smile is my favorite thing. I love to go on the occasional date night with my husband. I am a movie snob. I am a production guru…and I know it.
I am proud of myself. I like who I am. I am strong. I am smart. I am funny. And so are you, now lets all be nice to each other and produce amazing projects, and if you are a woman and want something as absurd as kids… even better, this industry is hard, who needs more negativity.
Let’s lift all women up.