I’ve been a mess lately, my mind so over worked and stressed out from all of the things running through it that I’ve malfunctioned, no longer able to do the tasks I actually need to do vs. all the things I’ve convinced myself I need to do in order to survive. Lying on my bedroom floor with stressed out tears (or sweat since I just did a workout video because I have NO time to get to the gym) running down my face, I realized I needed to declutter, de-stress and figure out where the hell I was going wrong.
It was simple, I was doing too much. Don’t get me wrong I love being busy, I love when I’ve booked so many jobs and creative projects I am a frazzled ball of crazy but I enjoy that because I’m THRIVING in that atmosphere, all my energies are going towards what I love to do. This is not what I have been experiencing. Rather, I’ve been frazzled and crazy because I’ve been running myself down by saying yes to too many things only for the money they will bring me. Not because they fulfill me, not because they make me feel accomplished, but because they may help me make rent that month or maybe buy me a drink out with friends. I was saying yes to things I felt would help me SURVIVE but this isn’t surviving.
I took a look at my life and budgeted out how much I actually need (financially) to cover my bills each month. Turns out, my part time job covers that which means the 3 days I work each week is enough. Sure, I could keep spending my 4 remaining days each week taking low pay make-up jobs or any other side job thrown my way so I may get to buy some stuff, OR I could use those 4 remaining days to film my web series, finish scripts I’ve been working on, paint, get together with my creative friends and create a project. I could feed my soul instead of feeding my bank. Case in point; last week I was offered a make-up job, it paid less than half of my daily rate but I still felt a pressure to take it because “I need money.” Did I really? I still had enough to eat, for gas, still had rent saved up; what I DIDN’T have is anything filmed for my web series, the one thing I do for myself each week because it makes me happy and keeps me accountable to myself. So I forced myself to say no to the job and instead went to San Diego and filmed 3 locations for my web series and it felt F***’N AWESOME.
Did I make money in San Diego? No. Did I get something necessary done that feeds my dream, my career and my soul? Yes. Did i spend that entire time wishing I had taken that low paying job? No. When you listen to yourself and choose a path that yes, may be less glamorous, have a few less zeros on the end of your account balance (temporary…stay positive) you realize you’re THRIVING in life instead of constantly feeling plagued to do things you don’t want to do in order to SURVIVE. The money will come, it always does. This week ask yourself what you can eliminate in your life in order to make room for stuff that makes you happy. I promise you won’t regret it.